Lunar New Year Oracle Reading

 Since we are in the midst of Lunar New Year, I have done a Mah Jongg oracle reading. (check the bottom of this post for the deck I used). When we lived on the coast, we became fairly involved with Lunar New Year celebrations, and I continued them while homeschooling and in my family daycare. This year is the Year of the Dragon.

 My middle daughter was born in 2000, another dragon year so I bought her a commemorative bottle of Soju. My son, myself, and my husband are all year of the monkey so I bought my son a bottle of Monkey Shoulder Whiskey. It was really nice. And my oldest daughter is the year of the rat. I couldn't find a rat or mouse bottle of anything, so I got her a peach and orange blossom vodka (peach in the oracle deck = young girl). She loves it, the vodka is delicious! We went out for Chinese food on Feb. 10th, and I have another surprise for them on Feb. 24th, which is the lantern festival on the full moon. I got them Plum Umeshu - soooo good!! FYI - all my kids are in their 20's, lol.

So my question to the oracle was "What is the best way to help my husband?" He is off on disability right now with a hurt knee and carpal tunnel surgery. He is not a happy camper. Generally, I retreat in the face of his crankiness. I did that last weekend - I avoided him and then left home a day early to go to my Mom's.

I love how this deck is shuffled - almost impossible to not shuffle well and so less chance of getting unshuffled cards. They are then spread into a house with the four directions on each side. They are turned over one at a time. There are 4 of each numbered card, which means repeats are the norm.

The center card is card 0, and I turned over 6 wan, fire. This is one of the worst cards!! It means danger, that there are other sides to this issue that are not being considered and so I should go over all aspects and find out what vital factor is being neglected. It also means intelligence and is good for educational inquiries though.

The 3 cards (1,2,3) on the bottom of the spread are the East cards - the two outside cards are my surface personality, and the middle card is my inner personality. Surface personality Card 1 came up as 1 bamboo, peacock. 

This is a middle-aged woman (that's me) and in this position of the spread it is negative - a warning about being overbearing and causing resentment (yup, I can see this).  Surface personality Card 3 is turned over next, it is 4 bamboo, carp. It is a positive card, meaning slow and calm (definitely what most people see), and paired with 1 bamboo it means success with researching my goddess project. Inner personality Card 2 is 6 bamboo, water. The worst card I could have had - fire and water together = calamity! The other cards will tell me the timing and circumstances of the terrible event that my inner craziness could cause. Water is also a card for communicating and commuting though, which goes with the educational/researching aspects in 3 of the 4 cards I've turned over so far. It's funny how my two surface personalities are opposites and both spot on - my Scorpio/Libra horoscope to a tee.

The 3 cards on the right (4,5,6) are South, and they go next. South is the near future and the present. Card number 4 is 8 circles, tiger. 

This card is a strong, brave and aggressive man - my husband. The 6th card is turned over next - it is the commence card, which means go for it, full steam ahead but success will come in the summer. The middle card 5 is 6 bamboo, water again. Repeat water cards means crossing water during travels. We are planning to do some camping this summer. Hmmm.  It also emphasizes the communication and commuting aspects from before so I guess I should keep going back every week even though I was tempted to avoid him and skip some trips home. He does feel more grounded when I am there so I guess that is probably one of the best ways to help him.

The 3 cards on the top (7,8,9) are West, the obstacles and the solution. Card 7 is an obstacle and I turned over 1 bamboo, the peacock again. In this position, it means that the older lady's glory days are done and the negative aspects of old age are coming into play. This is actually my Mom - I have to spend a lot of time with her now because of her cognitive decline. Card 9 goes next, another obstacle. I turned over the North card which means that disputes with my husband must be resolved and I should follow his advice (or my Mom's). The Solution card 8 is 6 circles, peach - which means a young girl is involved. The young girl is both my middle daughter (don't expect to be BFF's all the time and think you are failing if there is any discord) and Persephone, the one who needs to grow up in my goddess project.

The 3 cards on the left (10, 11. 12) are North, which is future outcomes. Card 10 is a difficulty ahead and I turned over 6 wan, fire again - danger ahead. It also represents intelligence though. Card 11 is 7 wan, seven stars. 

The seven stars are part of the bear constellation and the seat of the gods, particularly the god of literary excellence. This positive card helps protect against the danger of the fire card and encourages me to continue my work with the goddess project - it personifies imagination and writing. The final card, card 12, is the final outcome. I turned over 8 circles, tiger again which is my husband - in this North grouping it means conflict with my husband. So perfection should not be my end goal, lol.

Lots of bamboo cards came up which focus on family relationships, flexibility, versatility, strength and things will improve over time. It is a knowledge card, and the key takeaways are patience and understanding. Very appropriate for this reading. 

Summary

- keep commuting while he is on disability, he needs my support in person. 

- watch myself for being pushy and controlling and nit-picking - all things I tend to do

- continue the goddess project as I focus on connections

remember - the goal isn't perfection, there will be ups and downs forever. That is just life.

So, a super reading for me with some insights and some encouragement. Love it.

This is the deck I used:

Sitting with Emotions

 When Persephone needs help in the Blue Meadow, when she is struggling with depression and anxiety, then Artemis comes, bringing with her all of the Yellow Meadow nymphs – the Nephele for self-care, the Pleiades for sleep strategies, the Amnisades for de-escalation techniques, and the Hesperides and Hyperboreans for family and friends.

With their help, she can learn to sit with her emotions. The Amnisade who cares for Artemis’s dogs (emotions) will be a big part of that.

Image: Fantasia 2000

This picture is from Fantasia 2000. She is a Spring sprite who is almost killed by the eruption of Mnt. St. Helen while the music from Firebird plays. It feels scary, and I do feel that emotions are complete chaos, destructive and uncontrollable. She starts as joyful Spring, is turned to ash, then finds herself and brings new life to the desolate landscape.

The Greek word phantasia is usually translated as "imagination." However, in Greek thought the word always retains a connection with the verb phainomai, "I appear."

Cyndi Bennett writes in 'Clean Up on Aisle 9': "After truth has been applied and my thinking has leveled out, the rest of the noise reflects the barking dogs of my past that no longer have teeth. I can ignore them because they can no longer hurt me."

I plan on not ignoring my dogs, but they will not lead my thinking anymore. I will learn to sit with them and care for them. I will bring Spring back to my life. 

Lindsay Braman writes that the goal of therapy is not 'stopping certain behaviors'. It helps us develop a wider variety of ways to self-soothe. Trusting that the positive coping skills we are learning will work strengthens resiliency over time and helps the coping skills work faster over time. It is a slow process of learning, experimenting, and practicing.

This is a good reminder that I'm not trying to get rid of certain emotions, I'm just trying to learn new ways to care for them so that they don't take over my life. I'm beginning to trust that I can navigate my life without avoiding everything and spiraling into the pit over and over.

I gave my Mom the following information, which I was using for this step, because she is consumed by guilt when she talks about what my Dad did to her. She feels that she shouldn't say anything, or even think anything, because he is not here to defend himself (he died in 2022) but that means she can't deal with her trauma. She has lots of resentment, and anger, and more guilt about not being able to protect her children. She is not sleeping and ended up in the ER this week. She says this is helpful and she has taken the first step of talking about it. Still guilty, but talking.

Dominee at Self-Love Rainbow writes that when you sit with your feelings it means you allow them to exist. You're not running from them or ignoring them. You're making space to feel them and telling them "You belong here today." Because those feelings do belong here. It's okay to have sad days and to feel things that are uncomfortable or that we wish we didn't have to feel. It's not about wallowing in the feelings, which happens when we focus only on those uncomfortable feelings and nothing else. When we sit with our feelings we're allowing them to exist alongside all of our other feelings.

Dominee has 5 tips:

1. Recognise when those feelings want attention.

- pay attention to your cues. You might feel upset or cranky or anxious without knowing why. You might feel the physical symptoms of repressing emotions like being teary, headaches, or trouble sleeping.

2. Identify the emotion.

- identify the feeling that needs attention and why you are feeling it. Give yourself permission to be okay with it. It can help to say outloud "I am feeling _______ because ______." or to write it in a journal.

3. Accept the emotion.

- give it space to exist without judgement and without trying to change it. Let go of the need to control it. Example: I am sad, it's okay to be sad, and I feel like crying right now. Validate what you are feeling. You're not stupid or bad for feeling how you feel. You don't have to be over a feeling after a certain amount of time.

4. Let them exist

- don't avoid or mask the feelings with drugs etc. Feelings won't last forever even if they feel like they will. This is where the 'sitting with them' happens. You can feel sad and still have a good day - things exist alongside each other (grieving, watched a good movie).

5. Practice self-soothing.

- sitting with a feeling doesn't mean we can't do anything to make ourselves feel better. some feelings are strong and overwhelming. practice the coping skills and self-soothing strategies that help process rather than avoid. 

Positive self-talk: It's okay for me to cry. This feeling is not bad or good, it just is. I don't need to get lost in this feeling, I can stay present and mindful. This feeling won't last forever. I don't need to get rid of this feeling, I can just sit with it for a while. 

Sitting with your feelings can be messy, and that's okay.

So, all that is similar to what I found already about caring for my emotions, but this really focuses on the fact that you actually need to FEEL them. I have been thinking that the caring of the dogs is just to control them. 

I guess I will do MORE research on how to FEEL them without getting overwhelmed. It really is a very slow process.

Blue Zone - Pandeia

 

This beautiful picture of Diana by Thalia Took is going to be my Pandeia.

Pandeia is the half-sister of Persephone (and Ersa the goddess of dew from Step 3 of my Bridge, the process of repairing rifts in relationships). As a daughter of Selene, she is the personification of the Full Moon, and childbirth as that used to be claculated with lunar months. Artemis is also associated with the moon and childbirth. Pandeia is also a part of the Nemean Lion mythology since he is a son of Selene who was killed and put into the sky as the Leo constellation: 

Aelian, On Animals 12. 7 (trans. Scholfield) (Greek natural history C2nd A.D.) :

"They say that the Lion of Nemea fell from the moon (Selene). At any rate, Epimenides also has these words: ‘For I am sprung from fair-tressed Selene the Moon, who in a fearful shudder shook off the savage lion in Nemea, and brought him forth at the bidding of Queen Hera.’"

Seneca, Oedipus 38 ff (trans. Miller) (Roman tragedy C1st A.D.) :

"[A land plagued with drought :] Titan [Helios the Sun] augments the scorching dog-stars's [Seirios' (Sirius')] fires, close-pressing upon the Nemean Lion's [i.e. Leo the constellation of mid-summer] back. Water has fled the streams and from the herbage verdure."

In my goddess project, she is going to represent cPTSD. This gives me a kind face for it, and it is said that "Aelian, On Animals 12. 7 (trans. Scholfield) (Greek natural history C2nd A.D.) :

"They say that the Lion of Nemea fell from the moon (selene). At any rate Epimenides also has these words : ‘For I am sprung from fair-tressed Selene the Moon, who in a fearful shudder shook off the savage lion in Nemea, and brought him forth at the bidding of Queen Hera.’"

Seneca, Oedipus 38 ff (trans. Miller) (Roman tragedy C1st A.D.) :

"[A land plaued with drought :] Titan [Helios the Sun] augments the scorching dog-stars's [Seirios' (Sirius')] fires, close-pressing upon the Nemean Lion's [i.e. Leo the constellation of mid-summer] back. Water has fled the streams, and from the herbage verdure."

 ___________

Pandeia is going to represent my cPTSD so that I can put a kind face on it. It is also said that "Of the honours that the Phliasians pay to this goddess, all those who seek sanctuary here receive full forgiveness". An important piece of the recovery process is forgiving yourself, and being able to move on from past hurts by forgiving others.

Blue Zone - The Bridge, Step 6

 The Bridge will help me to take the first step towards repairing rifts in my relationships. Cyndi Bennett writes in 'Clean Up on Aisle 9" the following:

The Recovery Process

"If you have done the internal and external work that I outlined above, you may feel emotionally exhausted. That is to be expected because you’ve just done a ton of deep therapeutic work.

Part of the recovery process is self-care. Reward yourself for doing the hard work. What does that look like for you? For me, it was a luxuriously long walk/hike around the lake at the Greenway, a massage, and reconnecting with my support system.

The healing journey can be exhausting at times, so we need to pace ourselves to keep moving toward our goals."

Paying attention to my stress and doing something about it is definitely a thing that I have always ignored in the past. Hopefully this piece of the process will really help me to stay grounded and not spiral into panic and fear.

Something I read online that describes me:

"You can use strategies that help you keep your thoughts, emotions and body calm when you encounter a challenging situation. Many people try to cope with trauma by avoiding triggers whenever possible. But keep in mind that total avoidance may not be healthy, especially if it is limiting your daily life. You can try different self-regulating or calming strategies such as deep breathing and meditation, engaging in a hobby or activity, and contacting a person you trust who can listen or offer support. Think about the ways you already know to self-regulate as well as some new ideas you might want to try. When your battery is running low, seeking help can feel overwhelming. One way to prevent this is planning ahead for these times."

This goddess project is how I am planning ahead while still dissociating by having Artemis and Persephone do all the steps, lol. But I do feel safer and think that I can try these steps. Just talking these last few weeks as I try to address issues has not been working too well. The Bridge gives me a map and gives me a fighting chance.

Another relevant piece of information I found online is:

"One of the most important steps is to improve your capacity to assess threat, distinguish threat, and recover from fear. Though your experiences have given you very real evidence that the world is scary, healing needs you to believe that you have the potential to be safe. You do this through repeated practice of regulating your reactions to stress, seeing it as a form of physical therapy for your nervous system. We can’t stop the train from leaving the station- our nervous system is reflexive and autopilot shifts on easily. Coping with C-PTSD means that we can catch the train quicker, slow it down quicker, and rope it back into the station more effectively.

When you can reduce the fear reactions you experience when no threat is present, you’re retraining your nervous system to become more accurate and less reactive. This triggers a slow but important domino effect where your thoughts are less connected to fear, your emotions are less connected to fear, and your behaviors are less driven by fear.

The result is that you’re in better control of your physical symptoms, you improve your self-care, and begin to feel more present in life. When we aren’t motored by worry, we have space for more emotions and can experience true safety."

So, the goal in this step is to regain equilibrium and feel safe. However, as I would already be totally triggered, I should not be doing any major work in this step. I can do that in another section of the Blue Zone or Yellow Zone. The focus here should be on de-escalation and feelings of safety.

I'm going to use 4 Greek goddesses to explain the recovery process.

All images in this step are the work of the amazing Thalia Took. I have changed their names to fit my process, go to the bottom of the page to find out who they really are!

Eurynome - aunt to Persephone, mother of the Charities

Eurynome ruled Olympus before Rhea, and as the third wife of Zeus, she bore him the three Charities. She was the goddess of water meadows and pasturelands as she was an oceanid, and her statue depicts her as a mermaid. She was a nurturer, taking care of an injured god for 9 years as well as her children and all of Olympus when she was ruler.

As a nurturer and a mother, she will be the one to comfort me. She will remind me of the things that make me feel cozy, safe, and content. Things like hot sweet tea, warm blankets, and pajama days. And as a mother, she will make sure that I do them!

The three Charities are half-sisters of Persephone. They lived near the 9 Muses and often spent time together. They are:

Thaleia - meaning abundance.

She will be the one who surrounds me with an abundance of peace and love and connection. I will settle in with people and/or pets, some popcorn and drinks, and watch a movie all snuggled up in a warm blanket. No need to talk or interact, just a chance to be with others in a way that feels safe. 

Euphrosyne - meaning good cheer.

Rainbows always make me happy, lol. She will be the one who gets me to play the self-care games I have found at Self-Love Rainbow. I love her stuff! I've bought tons since it is so cheap, and they are super helpful since there is nothing scary about rainbows! An easy way to do the self-care that I need to be healthy in order to deal with stress without making it into an obsession and feelings of failure and overwhelm. 

Aglaea - meaning good health.

Aglaea is the youngest of the Charities. As good health, she will represent walks and time in nature. That is something I always forget, and yet is one of the best ways for me to find calm and happiness.

So, these things will hopefully make the whole 6 step process feel manageable and safe and doable.

Images: 1. Thalia Took's 'Brizo'. 2. Thalia's 'Venus'. 3. Thalia's 'Iris'. 4. Thalia's 'Elpis'. 

Blue Zone - The Bridge, Step 5

The rupture and repair process

The bridge in the Blue Zone is so that I work to bridge the chasm between me and the people I have rifts with in our relationships. It is hard to take that first step towards reconciliation, but with this framework, I am empowered to try.

This pretty picture is called 'Sweet Rendezvoux At the Fairy Bridge', and was created with stamps by Shwu-Miin. I will be checking out her blog to see how she uses her stamps, and maybe I will try to create something just as beautiful.

Cyndi Bennett writes in 'Clean up in Aisle 9' the following: 

"As a word of warning, the rupture and repair process takes two courageous people who sincerely care about the relationship, want to see it restored, and are willing to deal with the discomfort of the process. We may have ruptures in all kinds of relationships in the workplace that may not be able to be repaired because these elements do not exist.

Repairing a relationship rupture, whether it’s in a personal relationship or a therapeutic one, requires patience, empathy, and effective communication. Here are ten tips to help you navigate the process:

1. Acknowledge the Rupture: Recognize that a rupture has occurred and take responsibility for addressing it. Avoid denial or avoidance, as this can prolong the issue.
2. Open and Honest Communication: Initiate a conversation with the other person involved in the rupture. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs, and encourage them to do the same. Create a safe space for open and honest dialogue.
3. Active Listening: Listen attentively to the other person’s perspective without interrupting or immediately defending yourself. Show empathy and understanding for their feelings and experiences.
4. Validate Emotions: Acknowledge and validate each other’s emotions. Recognize that feelings are valid, even if they differ. Validation can help create a sense of connection.
5. Take a Break if Needed: If emotions are running high and the conversation becomes too intense, it’s okay to take a break and return to the discussion when both parties are calmer and more composed.
6. Seek Common Ground: Identify shared goals or values that can help you both work toward resolution. Finding common ground can be a unifying factor during the repair process.
7. Apologize and Forgive: If appropriate, offer a sincere apology for any actions or words that contributed to the rupture. Be ready to forgive as well. Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing and moving forward.
8. Learn from the Rupture: Reflect on what led to the rupture and the dynamics that played a role. Use it as an opportunity for personal growth and improvement in the relationship.
9. Set Boundaries: If necessary, establish clear boundaries or guidelines for communication and behavior moving forward. This can help prevent future ruptures.
10. Rebuild Trust: Rebuilding trust may take time. Be patient and consistent in your actions. Show through your behavior that you are committed to repairing the relationship.

Remember that repairing a rupture is a process that may not always lead to a complete resolution or reconciliation. Sometimes, the goal is to find a way to coexist or maintain a functional relationship while respecting each other’s boundaries and needs.

For the most part, I have found that the people I have established earned attachment with are more than willing to “stick with it” and work through the hard things. My co-worker and I followed this process to begin the healing process of our ruptured relationship. When everything is worked through, it strengthens the relationship because you know that this person will not “cut bait and run” at the sight of any trouble."

I am going to use the 9 muses, half-sisters of Persephone, as my process in this step. All images and information about the 9 sisters are from Thalia Took's website.

Thalia writes:

"Kalliope is one of the nine Muses, sister Goddesses of inspiration and the arts in Greek thought. She and Her sisters are the daughters of Mnemosyne, the Goddess of memory, and Zeus. Kalliope is the leader of the Muses and the Muse of epic poetry.

I have given Kalliope a kithara, an instrument in the lyre family which was considered the professional's instrument. The leash for the plectrum (the thing she's holding to pluck the strings) is straight off a vase painting.

I gave the Muses similar faces so They'd look like sisters; the color violet (or the flower violet) is associated with Them, and so also I've put Them in various shades of that color, because the Goddesses of Music (among other things) should of course harmonize with each other. 

Done as part of a commission of all Nine of Them. This design is available on prints through ArtPal and greeting cards through Zazzle."

1. Acknowledge the Rupture: Recognize that a rupture has occurred and take responsibility for addressing it. Avoid denial or avoidance, as this can prolong the issue.

Kalliope is the oldest sister, the trailblazer, the responsible one. She has the strength of Kali, who makes you face your troubles. With lots of help from Elpis from Step 4, Kalliope can take responsibility and start the attempt to repair the rupture instead of avoiding the hard stuff.

"Polyhymnia is the Muse of sacred song, one of the nine Muses of Greek myth, Goddesses of inspiration and the arts. She was usually portrayed in a meditative mood, and I have given Her a veil as a symbol of worship. Her name means 'Many Hymns'.

Made as one of a set of all nine Muses for a commission. This design is available on prints through ArtPal and greeting cards through Zazzle."

2. Open and Honest Communication: Initiate a conversation with the other person involved in the rupture. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs, and encourage them to do the same. Create a safe space for open and honest dialogue.

Polyhymnia was also the muse of debate, speeches, convincing, politics. In this instance, she is my muse of speech, of conversation. Not to convince but to express. Her meditative mood and hymnal songs remind us to be calm, create safety, be clear not vague.

"Terpsichore is the Muse of dance and choral song, one of the nine sister Goddesses of the arts in Greek myth, Who inspire poets and confer greatness and fame on those They favor.

Made as one of a set of all nine Muses for a commission. This design is available on prints through ArtPal and greeting cards through Zazzle."

3. Active Listening: Listen attentively to the other person’s perspective without interrupting or immediately defending yourself. Show empathy and understanding for their feelings and experiences.

Terpsichore will be the dance of active listening - as listening and empathizing slowly swirl around each other. No talking, just being. This is one of my hardest ones to do. I always jump in, I rarely hear what the other person is saying because I have my own ideas of what they mean and how this process should go. 

"Melpomene is the Muse of Tragedy, sister of course to Thalia, Muse of Comedy (I like to think of those two as especially close); the Muses being the Goddesses of inspiration and the arts, especially song and poetry. They are the daughters of Mnemosyne or Memory, and were invoked to help poets and singers remember lines and lyrics in the age of oral tradition. Melpomene is usually depicted with the tragic mask; grape leaves are also associated with Her as a symbol of Her connection to Dionysos as God of the dramatic arts.

I have put Her in sombre colors with dark cypresses behind. Made as one of a set of all nine Muses for a commission. This design is available on prints at ArtPal and on greeting cards at Zazzle."

4. Validate Emotions: Acknowledge and validate each other’s emotions. Recognize that feelings are valid, even if they differ. Validation can help create a sense of connection.

She is the one who will represent this step, to remember that all feelings are okay, not bad, even the negative ones.

"Thalia is the Muse of Comedy, one of the nine Goddesses of inspiration and the arts in Greek thought. She is generally shown in a merry mood holding a comic mask; ivy leaves are also associated with Her as an allusion to Her connection with Dionysos, out of Whose worship the dramatic arts came. Her name means 'Luxurious One' or 'She Who Thrives' and it is a most excellent name, if you ask me.

Made as one of a set of all nine Muses for a commission. This design is available on prints at ArtPal and on greeting cards at Zazzle."

5. Take a Break if Needed: If emotions are running high and the conversation becomes too intense, it’s okay to take a break and return to the discussion when both parties are calmer and more composed.

 "Thalia, sister of course to Melponene, Muse of Tragedy (I like to think of those two as especially close)" says Thalia Took. 

I think of them as two sides of the coin - emotions on one side, de-escalating on the other side. Thinking of the de-escalation as joy, and as the other side of the coin might make it easier to accept the break. I have someone who feels like that is a retreat and does not like taking a break when I ask. I guess this might be one of my boundaries, and also something to discuss re: not leaving you, just taking a breather, just flipping the coin and then will be back when the timer rings.

"Klio, the Muse of history, was usually portrayed with books or a scroll; as the Goddess of history. She was also responsible for bestowing fame (her name means 'Glory'). She could be shown with a trumpet as well, as one announcing a great event; accordingly I have given her trumpet-shaped earrings.

Made as one of a set of all nine Muses for a commission. This design is available on prints at ArtPal and greeting cards at Zazzle."

6. Seek Common Ground: Identify shared goals or values that can help you both work toward resolution. Finding common ground can be a unifying factor during the repair process.

As the keeper of history, Klio knows what people are likely to do, how things come to pass, what is likely to happen in the future. She can help identify the things we have in common, and point out ways to work together that have worked in the past.

"Erato is one of the nine Muses, or sister Goddesses of inspiration and the arts in Greek myth. She is the Muse of erotic or love poetry. Her name means 'Lovely' or 'Beloved'.

I have shown Her here with roses and a dreamy look on Her face, twirling a curl around Her finger.

Done as part of a commission of the nine Muses. This design is available on prints through ArtPal and greeting cards through Zazzle."

7. Apologize and Forgive: If appropriate, offer a sincere apology for any actions or words that contributed to the rupture. Be ready to forgive as well. Forgiveness is a powerful tool for healing and moving forward.

Erato is love - essential for both apologizing and forgiving.

"Ourania is the Muse of Astronomy, one of the nine sister Goddesses of inspiration and the arts in Greek myth. Her name (sometimes spelled Urania), means 'Heavenly'. I have shown Her here with lilies of the variety Stargazer in Her hair, gazing up at the stars.

Made as one of a set of all nine Muses for a commission. This design is available on prints through ArtPal and on greeting cards through Zazzle."

8. Set Boundaries: If necessary, establish clear boundaries or guidelines for communication and behavior moving forward. This can help prevent future ruptures.

I have skipped #8 of the 10 steps since I only have 9 muses, lol. This number 8 has Ourania. She has a soft voice and a pleasant temperament, perfect for using her scientific logic to set boundaries in a way that is non-threatening. 

"Euterpe is the Muse of lyric poetry; She is usually shown with the aulos, an oboe-like instrument (sometimes misnamed a 'flute', which it is not). I've given her a double aulos in bone or ivory.

Made as one of a set of all nine Muses for a commission. This design is available on prints through ArtPal and greeting cards through Zazzle."

9. Rebuild Trust: Rebuilding trust may take time. Be patient and consistent in your actions. Show through your behavior that you are committed to repairing the relationship.

Euterope means 'giver of delight' which seems like something you need to rebuild trust. Doing kind things for the other person, doing what you say you will do, respecting them - all these things bring delight. 

So this guideline will help me start to rebuild relationships as I learn about social stuff and relationship stuff. And I need to remember that it takes to people working together, that it could take time, there will be mistakes, but to keep trying.

"Remember that repairing a rupture is a process that may not always lead to a complete resolution or reconciliation. Sometimes, the goal is to find a way to coexist or maintain a functional relationship while respecting each other’s boundaries and needs."

Something I need to remember - it is not a failure if we are not always BFF's like in the movies. This is the type of relationship my middle daughter wants, and when I think of most young adults, they do not even think about being besties with their Moms. And that is okay, I'm not failing as a mother.

Wish me luck as I start to try this out on the people around me!!

Blue Zone - The Bridge, Step 4

 Cyndi Bennett writes in her article 'Clean Up on Aisle 9':

The External Mess

". . . . Creating relationships with secure attachments is difficult for someone with complex trauma, and it takes a long time to get there. Once we have those secure attachments, like I do with my therapist and coaching friends, they can still be impacted by a rupture in another relationship, like it did for me with a co-worker.

The doubt starts to creep into your thinking because you trusted the person you now have a rupture with, so it causes you to wonder whether your other friends will do the same thing or if there is something wrong with you that makes you unable to maintain secure relationships.

When this occurs, I try to reassure that little, scared part of me that this is not bigger than it is and that I will work on the repair."

The external mess is the craziness that results from being triggered, from thinking that the other people are not safe - it is the mess caused by the behaviors. The angry outbursts, the hypervigilance, the dissociation, .... 

When I first read this, I thought that only the last sentence applied to me. But after reading it through a few times, I realised that I have very few relationships with secure attachments. Most of my relationships feel insecure, especially when I'm having trouble with emotions, and I do often think that there must be something wrong with me, that I can't maintain relationships. And I do make it very hard for people to feel like this is a relationship worth working on. Ugh.

Elpis, perhaps a child of Nyx, was the personified spirit (daimona) of hope. She and the other daimones were trapped in a jar by Zeus and entrusted to the care of the first woman Pandora. When she opened the vessel all of the spirits escaped except for Elpis (Hope) who remained behind to comfort mankind.

She seems to be the perfect one to reassure the little scared part of me that things will be okay, that people love me despite my hurtful behaviors, and that I should keep trying. Hope is the thing that keeps you trying.

(Image is Thalia Took's, but I switched the name so it fit my process. It is actually Thalia Took's 'Arohirochi')

Blue Zone - The Bridge, Step 3

Step 3: Reconnecting with your support system 

(All images in this post are by one of my favorite artists, Thalia Took. I have mixed up their names to fit my goddesses, look at the bottom for the correct names. 

Cyndi Bennett writes in 'Clean Up on Aisle 9':

"This step in the internal clean-up effort is reconnecting with your support system. Self-criticism and shame want to keep us isolated and covered up. They don’t want others to see our failures and nakedness because they are trying to protect us. The antidote for self-criticism is self-compassion and connection. We might be able to get to self-compassion on our own, but when we connect with our support system, their compassion for me and my experience will lead me to have compassion for myself."

It does make sense that connecting in with those who already have a good relationship with you can help mend the ones that have a rift. Their perspective, their support, their compassion would all help to make the way forward easier and more clear. This is why I needed to connect and stay connected in the Green Zone, so that I have my safety net when I need it. I do not know HOW to connect, but have found some ideas from Donna and from researching.

I'm going to use Persephone's family members who are agricultural goddesses for this step. 

Demeter - mother of Persephone

Demeter and Persephone are very close. They visit each other often, and many times include others in their gatherings. When Persephone went missing, Demeter searched for her, pined for her, and forced the Gods to return her from Hades. 

She will be representing dinners together - with family, with friends, with community. I gave up on dinners together a long time ago, but will start to have one each time I go home. My family is going along with it fairly well which is awesome! I will also accept dinner invites more often, and actually talk to people when I am there. And I will make a point of staying to talk when I eat with my Mother.

This is a good way to spend time together without it being too awkward when there is a rift with someone. Letting the group know that I have a problem means that advice can be discussed.

Rhea - grandmother of Persephone, mother of Demeter

Rhea is named 'Mother of the Gods' and as the wife of Kronos (Time), she represented the eternal flow of time and generations. After Demeter reunited with her daughter Persephone, Zeus sent Rhea to persuade Demeter to return to Olympus and rejoin the gods, saying "Come, my child, loid-thundering, far-seeing Zeus calls you to come back to the tribes of the gods, and he has promised to give you honours, whatever you wish among the immortal gods. He consented with a nod that for a third part of the circling year your daughter Shall go down to the gloomy darkness, but for the other two parts she shall be With you and the other immortals." (The Homeric Hymns: Homeric Hymn to Demeter, 460-466) Demeter listened to her mother and returned to Olympus, and crops again grew. 

Rhea will represent recreation - doing things together. This usually requires some coaxing with my family but I am learning what things they are willing to do. Playing cards is iffy, watching movies is a bit better. I'm doing crafts with my sisters. Maybe I will do puzzles with my Mom. And I will accept invites to go out with friends more.

This is a good way of spending time together as well. Doing something can bridge the awkwardness too. Venting can be done while the focus is on the activity.

Gaia - mother of Rhea, grandmother of Demeter, great-grandmother of Persephone

Gaia is the personification of the Earth. She is the mother of the sky and heavens, of the sea, of Time, of the mountains. She was the first thing to come after Chaos, which was the first thing to exist.

Since I feel that emotions are chaos, and insurmountable, she will represent the expression of emotion. Both allowing others to express their emotions and for me to express mine - the what and why of how something made me feel, how I feel while working to repair the rift, etc. 

This will include regular talking, which I also avoid. Making an effort to say Hi, to say Goodnight, to say Goodbye, to make some small talk (my kryptonite). Once we are used to talking to each other, it will feel safer to express emotion/ accept other's emotions, and then it will be easier to discuss problems with my support network and with the person I have the rift with.

Chrysothemis - Demeter's daughter, Persephone's half-sister.

Chrysothemis, meaning daffodil in Creten, a harvest festival goddess. 

She will represent the bonding we share on holidays and birthdays, the shared traditions, the happy memories. It is worth the effort to make them special. Feelings of love and happiness are a balm to relationships and conducive to talks and support. Much love is reaped from the work put into relationships. Something I had never considered. I did not think that friendships offered me anything. Now I know that they can offer me love, support, fresh perspectives, positive energy - instead of just draining me and causing anxiety. I hope to cultivate that going forward.

Ersa - half-sister of Persephone

Ersa was the goddess of the dew, a daughter of the rain-god Zeus and moon-goddess Selene. Her moisture nourished the plants of the earth.

She was necessary for the growth of plants, especially in the dry climate of Crete. She will represent the sending of memes on Instagram - and the addition of text to the memes. Little notes, questions, I Love You's. Growth Mindset says to keep trying, to not assume that things must stay as they are, that nothing can repair the rift. Connection can encourage and reinforce the importance of growth mindset, to keep trying, that the relationship is worth the effort.

The Three Horae - half-sisters of Persephone, goddesses of the seasons

THE HORAI were the goddesses of the seasons and the natural portioners of time. They presided over the revolutions of the heavenly constellations by which the year was measured. They were particularly honoured by farmers who planted and tended their crops in time with the rising and setting of the stars--measures of the passing seasons. The Horai promoted the fertility of the earth by the various kinds of weather they sent down Being considered the givers of the various seasons of the year, especially of spring and autumn, they represented Nature in her bloom and her maturity. The course of the seasons was symbolically described by the dance of the Horai; and, in conjunction with the Charites, Hebe, Harmonia, and Aphrodite, they accompanied the songs of the Muses, and Apollo's play on the lyre, with their dancing. (Hom. Hymn. in Apoll. Pyth. 16, &c.; Pind. Ol. iv. 2; Xen. Sympos. 7.) 

Pherusa - Spring

The Hora of Spring accompanies Persephone every year on her ascent from the lower world, and the return of life. Pherusa means to bring substance. She is the season of new beginnings, a time to plant seeds that will reap rewards and success in the future. She is hope.

As the bringer of substance, Pherusa will represent photos and FaceTime. This is something I never do - send photos or videos to friends or family. I have JUST started FaceTiming my sister who is far away, and she feels much more connected. Showing photos shows how proud of my family I am. It shows others what we are like so they can feel that they know us a bit. Adding My brother who is far away sends photos and videos to my Mom. I need to get those forwarded to my family, and I need to send some of mine back to family and friends. The increased feeling of connection will help with repairs. A new goal for this year.

Euporie. Summer.

Euporie means Abundance. 

She will represent texting, emailing, and messaging - something that we can do a lot of, and that increases over time. I have started messaging a friend of mine who I hadn't talked to in years, and now we send a few sentences back and forth each day. I hope to start texting my kids regularly, and maybe some friends. A good conversation starter, then move to the phone for a more in-depth conversation. And less anxious to text first, I hate calling.

Orthosie. Autumn.

Orthosie means prosperity, and is the harvest. The fruits of your labors, and what gets you through the trials of winter. 

She will represent touch - hugs, foot rubs, back scratches, neck rubs, etc. Sitting together. Hand holding. I tend to shy away from that unless I'm the one initiating, and only when I feel safe. I told Donna that I had told my kids that I don't like to be touched, and now my son very respectfully comes up and gently touches me with one finger, then gives me a gentle hug with just his fingertips. We realized that if they asked for a hug, I would be all in - it's the not having a say that gets to me I guess. And I can ask them for a hug. So yesterday I told them that. And I got two hugs goodbye. Something I will use with others as well, but a super step forward with my family. I have always felt bad about being stand-offish, now I can start showing my love in one of the most important ways - touch.

So, some things that I will have to work on, but a concrete plan rather than just wishes and good intentions and lots of retreating. I feel like I could actually do some of these things without too much anxiety.

These Bridge posts are all about how to mend relationship rifts. After these, my Blue Zone will have a spot for how to deal with the scary emotions of other people (which are only scary to me, normal to everyone else) which will expand my Gaia/ express emotion section above, and I will put in a spot for how to set boundaries so I feel safer.

Images: 1. Thalia Took's 'Pomona'. 2. Thalia's 'Bridgid'. 3. Thalia's 'Rhiannon'. 4. Thalia's 'Eostre'. 5. Thalia's 'Vivian'. 6. Thalia's 'Gwenhwyfar'. 7. Thalia's 'Sif'. 8. Thalia's 'Ceres'.