Things I learned at school this week

I work at a school. these are some of the things i learned this week:

- dragon species are differentiated by the number of toes. chinese dragons have 5 on each foot, korean dragons have 4, and japanese dragons have 3. (chinese new year)

- hand sanitizer takes away the itch from bug bites better than anti-itch medications. apparently, the sanitizer cleans out the saliva, which is what causes the itch. (we went to a science fair put on by local schools)

- a little girl told me the secret to spelling 'because', which i told to the little guy i support, and he made this one up and spelled it right on his spelling test for the first time . . . Brothers Eat Chunky Animals Under Sally's Egg.

- the world is a very confusing place when you are 10 and can't read. All the signs we take for granted, wherever we go, are unintelligible. And because he is 10, people expect him to know what to do. To not touch, to be careful, to go this way, to do this or that. It was easier in the big city, where signs are made for people who have English as a second language. Here in the small town, its much harder.

- life is unfair when you are a kid, and have no voice. Adults often make decisions off the cuff, just because they can. "I don't like that, go to the office". I think that is why I shut myself off in school, and at home, when i was a kid. too much frustration, too little control - easier to give up, not care, tune out. All of a sudden i realize how it happened - my living outside of life. This might make it easier to get back in, and get that life i'm working toward.

- glitter is very hard to clean up. days later, and it is still turning up in hair, under tables, on clothes, on kids.

- our area has incredible trilobite digs, people often go out digging, and come back with beautiful fossils. other creatures turn up as well. (we talked to a paleontologist)

- in this town, with its skihill, many kids and their parents develop ski-itis on sunny or snowy days. this can add up to a lot of 'sick' days.

still here

Had a long week, last week. Busy with work, lots to do at home in the evenings to prepare for the next day. This week, I've been able to do it at work. Getting a handle on it all. Not eating enough, tired. Still not enough this week, but we'll shop again next week, and I'll eat better then. Hubby finally picked up some work for a few weeks. good, because we'll have food money, bad because now i have to come home and make dinner and do homework and make lunches and put kids to bed. i miss having a house-husband! my heart has been skipping beats. i get a heart monitor in a few weeks to check it out. probably an electrolite imbalance, the doctor says. i've been grieving the end of my baby time. no more breast feeding, no more babies in my bed. found out that both my sister and my brother are expecting their third baby in the spring. both families were pregnant when i saw them at christmas, but didn't say anything because we had christopher's memorial then, and they didn't want to hurt me. they would all have been the same age. whenever i see the two little cousins, i will always see christopher with them. there is a lady who teaches at my school, and brings her baby with her. last week she put the baby on my desk for an hour while she taught. very hard to smile and coo at him without crying. i so wish i had my baby. was feeling very sorry for myself, then i read about some kids who died of heart problems in their first months. and one in our town who is 2 or 3. very glad my kids didn't have to go through that. it would have been so much harder for them. i however would give anything to have seen his eyes, his smile.