growing up

I can't believe my big girl will be 15 years old at christmas. I've gotten used to the fact that she is a teenager, but 15 sounds so old.

I know I'm lucky that she still is a 'little girl', not already out getting into more trouble than she can handle.

She wears my clothes, her feet are bigger than mine.

My messy, complicated, needy, amazingly wonderful little girl is growing up into a messy, complicated, needy, amazingly wonderful woman.

And I'm totally blown away.

I've always thought that beautiful little boys growing into men was beyond understanding, and how do their mothers stand it?

I thought girls were no-brainers, they just grow up, like I did.

But life has a way of being fantastic, beyond belief, miraculous, amazing.

Wether you are ready to see it or not.

learning curve

being with people is exhausting. even being with animals.

always jostling, always a power struggle.

the dog - you have to show that you are the boss. dogs need a strong leader.

the goats - they try to be the boss too. you always have to be the boss.

kids - you always have to be consistent, to be doing what is good for them - not what they want to do. you always have to be the boss.

husbands - you always have to be placating them, building them up. then they will be there for you - placating you and building you up, when you need it. hopefully.

mothers - dancing the balance of mother/daughter through the years. always a daughter, bowing to the wisdom of the elder. always a mother, teaching and correcting.

people - always balancing between listening and telling.

It's exhausting.


I have just chosen a job where I have to be interacting with people all the time. I have never been able to do that, it is so exhausting for me. I have been on my case for years to interact more.

And now all I can think of is going off into a quiet corner by myself. And that is just with family!

I think I have a steep learning curve!

hmmm, lost a month of posting there. But I have been sending a card to my friend once a week.

Looking after my parents farm for 3 weeks, right now. And working on my new Creative Memories business. Havn't sold anything, but having fun. I needed something to keep me busy and excited, I was getting stuck in that old rut of 'why wake up in the morning, there's nothing fun to do.' Yes, I sound like my teenager, but hey - now I can empathize with her.

Just got back from watching the hockey playoff game in the local movie theatre. Go Canucks Go! Met the friend that started me on the blogging road - and she has just started a blog for writers. Funny how life is always going in circles.

So my post for this Monday is all about the farm. Lets see if I can paint a picture . . .

a large pie-shaped wedge of green
criss-crossed with fences made of wood and wire
splitting the 11 acres into 6 fields and 2 corals
clinging to the side of the mountain
so steep, you are higher than the trees below
so high, the mountain tops are just right there
9 goats wander around together
55 chickens and a rooster scratch the dirt
6 more little banties peep, peep, peep
and my bunny growls at the dog
ghosts of cows graze the fields
gone now, the bylaws make it impossible
to raise them
memories of horses, all sizes and colors
looking over the fence at us
in our treehouses and hidden forts
the lilacs are in bloom,
the fruit trees in blossom
bees and humming birds competing for
nector and pollen
and in the middle of it all
the house and barns
full of kids and light and family


That is the farm I grew up on, and where I love to come back to whenever I can. My parents are getting older and its getting too much for them though. They talk about selling it a lot. There will be a huge hole in my life when it goes. And endless memories.