Well, little boy did go into his sisters room for a week or two, and learned to fall asleep again. They 'NEEDED' him out though, so then I slept with him in his room, in the bottom bunk, for a month. Now we've made him a bed in the family room, which is on the same floor as the girls - he is sleeping, and I am sleeping (some days, but that's a whole other story!). Hooray for creative solutions. And it has been suggested that he may have anxiety problems, not just a fear of the dark and zombies. I went to a workshop - its normal for this age group to fear being alone, and monsters, among other things. So that's reassuring.
Little girl has decided to go to highschool next year, rather than do another year at the small independent school. That should be interesting. According to rumors, she already has a little romance going on with a boy she hangs out with. He's a nice boy. She denies the romance, of course. She is a 13 yr old tomboy with a reputation as one of the guys to uphold. I sure hope she has a good year.
Big girl is still having meltdowns, which i have learned are panicked attempts to avoid something. By persisting in talking to her, through all the noise and hyperventilating, we have discovered some important things, and she feels much more confident in herself. She is even volunteering information, without the fireworks show, which is nice.
However, what it boils down to is that I have ruined her (good thing I'm fixing her). I taught her that she is stupid, that she is bad, that she can't ever tell anyone what she thinks or she will be hurt, if she gets so desperate that she tells then no-one listens to her anyway, and that she is all alone in this terrible world so its safer to stay in her room and read anime than interact with anyone.
So I am the cause of my little boys problems, my big girls problems, my marriage problems, my own issues, and every other problem plaguing us - including our money problems.
On the bright side, we are going to marriage counselling, and hubby is getting some insight into stuff. He actually said he had an idea of how little boy felt when watching scary movies, connecting it to one he watched as a kid which was terrifying at the time, but now seems cheesy. That is one of the biggest breakthroughs EVER, you have no idea! Watching scary movies was the biggest thing we fought over for the longest time! I would feel so helpless, having hubby so mad at me, but having to try and keep little boy safe from something that no one else seemed to think was a problem. Let's hope this insight translates into some easier movie nights.
I feel like I have to be the bad guy all the time, no one likes me because I don't let them do what they want, or I make them do stuff they don't like. It is a CONSTANT fight. I normally avoid fighting like the plague. So this causes me a huge amount of stress. Some days I don't know how I will do it. Some days I give up. And this is the result - I have ruined the kids, my marriage, our life. That's how it feels, and that's what they say.
Its always the mothers fault. Everything. Hard to believe you can try your best, and still do everything wrong.
I am glad that big girls learning disabilities have led to counselling, because we are learning how to cope with all this stuff. Maybe everything will turn out ok in the end.
