I was listening to the Corrs today, this is their cover of an REM song. Hang in there, Fe. We love you.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
i'm not cut out to be a working mom
oh, this is hard.
i'm used to being a work-at-home mom. it was 12 hour days of home daycare for 8 kids, but it was at home - i could do laundry, cook, water plants, tidy, ect. in between the work bits.
now i'm a work somewhere-else mom, and i feel like i'm on one of those whirling things in the playground. its going faster and faster, and i'm about to fly off the side. not to mention the fact that i get violently sick on spinning things.
hubby has gone north. may visit at xmas, home in june-ish. was going to take the truck, but convinced him to leave it - having to fix the brakes and alternator, having it break down on him 3 times in 1 week may have helped!
tired. so tired. but coping well. i feel better than before, better every week.
christophers birthday is coming up. little boy talks about him all the time right now. we are going to have a birthday party for him next week, so christopher can invite all his spirit friends. we are going to build a cairn for him near our cemetary (he doesn't have a spot here. his memorial was in the town i grew up in, where we spend our holidays, where my nana is buried. no marker yet, still working on it. the one i sent couldn't be done, it has to be revised. crap.) christopher is being given a memorial brunch this weekend, by my friends who read my facebook, and then the blog.
that feels a bit weird, since they didn't know him. but i'm curious, and thankful, and appreciative.
for years, the kids and i have celebrated customs from different cultures and religions. my way of trying to figure out life and death and god. we've included my nana in them for the last 2 years, now we are including christopher. (all have a section on honoring ancestors and lost loved ones)
the girls still don't say anything about him. even when i am talking to the little boy about him. hubby doesn't either. i wonder if i am right to keep him in our lives. maybe i should let him become a dim memory for them.
for me, he is as real and present as my other kids.
i think i will write their birth stories or something, in remembrance. i'll think about it.
i'm used to being a work-at-home mom. it was 12 hour days of home daycare for 8 kids, but it was at home - i could do laundry, cook, water plants, tidy, ect. in between the work bits.
now i'm a work somewhere-else mom, and i feel like i'm on one of those whirling things in the playground. its going faster and faster, and i'm about to fly off the side. not to mention the fact that i get violently sick on spinning things.
hubby has gone north. may visit at xmas, home in june-ish. was going to take the truck, but convinced him to leave it - having to fix the brakes and alternator, having it break down on him 3 times in 1 week may have helped!
tired. so tired. but coping well. i feel better than before, better every week.
christophers birthday is coming up. little boy talks about him all the time right now. we are going to have a birthday party for him next week, so christopher can invite all his spirit friends. we are going to build a cairn for him near our cemetary (he doesn't have a spot here. his memorial was in the town i grew up in, where we spend our holidays, where my nana is buried. no marker yet, still working on it. the one i sent couldn't be done, it has to be revised. crap.) christopher is being given a memorial brunch this weekend, by my friends who read my facebook, and then the blog.
that feels a bit weird, since they didn't know him. but i'm curious, and thankful, and appreciative.
for years, the kids and i have celebrated customs from different cultures and religions. my way of trying to figure out life and death and god. we've included my nana in them for the last 2 years, now we are including christopher. (all have a section on honoring ancestors and lost loved ones)
the girls still don't say anything about him. even when i am talking to the little boy about him. hubby doesn't either. i wonder if i am right to keep him in our lives. maybe i should let him become a dim memory for them.
for me, he is as real and present as my other kids.
i think i will write their birth stories or something, in remembrance. i'll think about it.
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