Step 1

 Step 1: Accept the Dogs

The staircase ascends as the child Persephone grows up and becomes adult Persephone, Queen of the Underworld.

She must accept the dogs - Atremis's dogs/my emotions - as her first step, so that when she comes in to help Artemis, she doesn't shut everything down.

And because my coping skills are like a preschooler's, Persephone really does act like a child. She is afraid of dogs and avoids them at any cost. 

She needs to be comfortable with emotions because the emotions are the overwhelm which dumps me into Hell. Once she is comfortable, she can tolerate them and carry on with her life instead of running away from them all the time.

- Using the formula in the previous post, my past coping strategies were:

A. Ignore, B. Avoid, C. Self-soothe, D. Shut down

- The internal beliefs associated with these strategies were:

A. I have too many responsibilities to stop doing them, I can't change anything and must be rescued by someone else, I'm too afraid to deal with it, these emotions are not acceptable, my issues are so much less than others like poverty and abuse, and everyone else is coping so I should be able to do it too.

B. I'm afraid of my own reactions and the consequences / it's too much to bear

C. make lists, read everything about it, try lots of strategies (body check-in, etc), I'm doing something about it, I'm trying my best, I'm asking for help from professionals (although I'm not telling them everything)

D. it's too much to bear, it's too much for anyone else, no one can help, they are not acceptable, so tightly under control that nothing escapes, can't have any reactions or consequences because the consequences are too high.

- Were any of them effective? 

C. was somewhat effective. B. Avoid was effective as a child but not any longer. D. Shut down was a way to endure but is no longer effective.

- What could be more effective strategies?

1. Not wait to be rescued.  Have a plan in advance with realistic boundaries.

2. it is okay to do less. it is okay to have these feelings.

3. Stay connected so not doing it alone. Be transparent so not hidden.

Hmmmm, now where do I go from here?

Image: Waltz Nightmare Dogs (Waltz with Bashir, Folman,2005), no changes, https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Waltz-Nightmare-Dogs-Waltz-with-Bashir-Folman-2005_fig3_326965298