Mastering Cerberus

Cerberus guards the gates of Hell, and blocks Persephone from leaving. 

Cerberus represents my fear. My terror of the overwhelm that seemed to keep coming out of nowhere, over and over, has kept me prisoner for so long. My inability to fix it, my terror that I might not be able to hang on, rules my life. When I get triggered, the overwhelm comes soon after, as I spiral down and down into Hell. Every time I have tried to figure out what is happening, it has pushed me under.

Finding out the pattern of avoidance has done a lot to ease my fears. I'm hoping that knowing the pattern will keep me safe. I won't be waiting for the unknown monster to leap out and grab me. I will know what is happening and will be able to walk out of Hell instead of being trapped, waiting for someone to rescue me, knowing that no one ever does.

Darlene Lancer wrote the following in Psychology Today ( I have taken bits and pieces from her article that relate to this post):

You know you are being triggered when you overreact way more than the situation calls for. Triggers are wounds from your past, and the more wounds you have and the weaker your boundaries, the more reactive you are. Primary triggers are internal dysfunctional beliefs and we measure ourselves against dysfunctional internal standards. Dysfunction is easy to see in others, but because we believe our perceptions to be accurate, it is very hard to see anything wrong with ourselves. 

Healing Our Triggers:

1. identify what triggers you and the internal beliefs attached to them. They are wounds so approach with compassion and tenderness.

2. Identify the style of reacting (attack, withdraw). learn to detach, not react. evaluate the function of the behavior and its effectiveness. Experiment with more productive responses.

Healing may include stages of grief.

Anger covers hurt and vulnerability.

Intact boundaries and self-esteem prevents you from being sucked in, helps you tolerate different opinions and negative feelings, and gives you time to think before automatically reacting.

So, using that information, my trigger was thoughts of being pulled under by an unkown monster. The internal belief was that I could not fight the monster. My style of reacting was avoidance. It protected me when I was a child but is no longer keeping me safe. 

I feel like I am ready to work on this. It is not an unkown anymore and I am not alone.

I am re-writing my story to have Kali and Artemis and Persephone help me set healthy boundaries, and to make the changes I need to when I get overwhelmed.

What can I do if I fall back into the fear? Something that is more helpful than ignoring it?

Chamunda will remind me that I can master my fear.

Persephone will remind me that I can walk out of Hell, I'm no longer trapped.

Artemis will remind me that she is ready to kick ass.

And I will open the gates of Hell to take that first step.