Norse Goddesses - Boundary 2

 One of the things to come from re-doing my Blue Meadow Step is the Norse Goddesses.

The Blue Step had a focus on boundaries, which took me forever to get my mind wrapped around. I was finally able to use my boundaries with actual results this winter.

One of the things my hubby and I struggle with is my 'back seat driving', although I have always viewed it as 'helping'. It is especially bad in the winters since I am so anxious driving in the bad weather, and where we live, the winter weather is pretty bad! Lots of snow and ice and fog.

I was able to visualize my goddesses holding my boundary so that I didn't force my anxiety onto my hubby, and so that I kept his frustration from triggering me. Here, I switched up my Greek goddesses for Norse ones, because I needed Sigyn to be my Hera/married goddess.

It goes like this:

1. Skadi and her wolves are my Artemis and dogs. I call certain wolves to me - the twins, Strength and Courage; Love, who is with me always; and Fear, whom I comfort, which in turn, comforts me. 

2. Skadi is joined by Hel, my Persephone, who helps Skadi with the wolves. Skadi is linked with the underworld, and Hel can leave the underworld with her Hellhound and Hellhorse.

3. Next, I call upon four of Frigg's handmaidens to hold my boundaries. The handmaidens are goddesses who are not bound to a god. 

Snowtra is a goddess of wisdom, she is my Athena - the logical voice of reason. She fills my head with self-talk - 'Stay in the present, everything is fine right now. Focus on the present. Breathe.' 

Var is another goddess of wisdom, specifically integrity of words and actions, something I learned a lot about last year. She guards my words.

Lofn is a goddess of love, reminding me to lead with love in all things. She also gives permission - in my case, I am permitted to give up control, she reminds me there is nothing I can do because I am not driving. That has always helped me in things like flying on airplanes where I literally have no control. 

And Syn guards my boundary the way she guards Frigg's door, so that I keep quiet and so that I don't let hubby's emotions destroy me.

4. Sigyn, Loki's wife, also joins us. She is often seen as a subservient, devoted wife because she shielded Loki when he was trapped and burned with acid. Some people see her though as a loving, accepting person for Loki to come home to after he deals with anger and disdain from the other gods all day. I channel this into: I trust my hubby's driving, he is an awesome driver. He loves me so much, he would never do anything to hurt me. He loves his car, he would never do anything to hurt it.

 5. Nerthus is my Demeter. She is an Earth goddess, and Freja's mother. She helps me with my impulse control. When I am driving, I take some risks at first, like passing without a lot of room. Whether I am trying to follow hubby in his car, or I'm driving on my own, it often takes one risky pass before I remember to slow down and go with the flow. This mother-figure helps me to be mindful of safety.

6. Freyja is my Hestia. Freyja is love and beauty, cats and magic - all things that mean home to me. I hold this feeling to ground myself and remember the important things in life.

I visualize them all riding through the air like Valkyries, fiercely and joyfully surrounding me with protection. Because I don't want to call Sigyn away from her children, I imagine that they all are pulled away when needed, and returned to the same spot, so that they lose no time. Then they can fight with me guilt-free.

The other day I was driving our huge suburban, and I said "Road trip!" when I called to them. I smiled to think of my truck full of happy excited women, blasting music and eating junk food.

My other Norse goddess is not needed for this particular boundary help, but she is:

Nissa, a selkie, is my Aphrodite. Norse selkies are in many stories. My selkie sheds rules and inhibitions to become a fun and sexy partner, without losing her independence. 'Nissa' means 'friendly, mischievous elf'.

Yellow Meadow - Boundary 1: Eleni ( a Leimonide nymph)

Originally my boundaries were in the Blue Meadow, which was part of Persephone's realm. Even though boundaries are now a part of the Green Zone since I need to use them daily, they will still be in a Blue Meadow, it will just be in a corner of the Green Zone.

However, Persephone can bring her boundaries with her when she goes to the Yellow Meadow to help Artemis with the dogs. The Yellow Meadow is also in the Green Zone, and is where Artemis starts to struggle with the dogs (emotions). I know I took it out of my plan awhile ago, but I just put it back in, lol.

I have now made my Yellow Meadow into a wetlands area where the river runs into the lake. It transitions from green grass to buttercups, which grow in wet areas. The dogs can run around in the buttercups and cause some trouble, but Artemis can still get them under control after awhile by using some strategies. These strategies are the Amnisades, river nymphs who are Artemis's handmaidens. 

This is when Persephone needs to come and help, and bring a boundary with her, or the dogs will go too far into the wetlands. Before, everyone ignored Artemis's struggles until it was too late. If the dogs go deeper into the wetlands, they get bogged down in the muck where the cat-tails grow. Because cat-tails grow tall and packed together, the further the dogs go, the more lost they get and the more panicked they become. Artemis wades in after them, but she has essentially no control over them.

Eventually the dogs start to get into sinkholes. Artemis tries to pull them out, but she herself begins to sink. This is where Persephone used to yank Artemis down to the underworld, leaving the dogs behind in the muck. 

Persephone's first boundary will be to protect herself and Artemis and the dogs from overwhelm. Boundary 1 keeps the dogs out of the cat-tails and sinkholes. The other goddesses are called to come and help.

Eleni is a Leimonide (a nymph of the marshes and watery wetland fields), and will be my personification of being swamped. If I can keep her in my mind, and run through the steps below, I might be able to stop the cPTSD shut down.

The steps look like this:

A) Identify the problem and the boundary needed. Ask "What is wrong?" and "Why/How is it wrong?"

Persephone will know that the problem is overwhelm when she can see that the self-care strategies from the buttercup section are not working. The overwhelm could be lifestyle (too busy, too tired, etc) or it could be emotions. The cues are withdrawal and feelings of  hopelessness.

The boundary here is to stop and visualize a fence, limiting access to the boggy section of the wetlands. This is the time to pull out the goddess book and go through everything, especially the safety plan (the green journey). 

B)  Reframe my thinking / positive self-talk

Artemis and her dogs come to help Persephone manage the emotions. They use a calming action with breathing and mantras to calm her down and reframe her negative thinking into positive / growth mindset thinking. They remind her that she is not alone. 

 

3. Clarify the situation with others, remind myself of the boundary and what I need to feel better, then do the work.

If it is life overwhelm, then redo my schedule, focusing on only the most urgent things and making 'me' a priority. I learned last time not to drop all of the social things - I became isolated and spiraled into freefall fast!

If it is emotion overwhelm, then getting outside and having some time to myself usually gives me the space I need to calm down enough to use strategies. Remembering that I am not alone is very important here.

Athena and Inyx share this step, using logic and love to talk it through with others - mostly because I have a huge problem with saying 'No'.

4. Hold the boundary - Pallas holds my negative reactions inside the boundary, and stops negative things from coming in and overwhelming me. As I learned in my sessions with Donna, the boundary is not a wall. It is a fence with gates, so things can still go in and out UNLESS I close the gate. I can also have more than one fence, some things can come in but only so far if I close the inner gate.

5. Recover from the stress of holding my boundary - the 3 charities and their Mom from Step 6 of the Apology Bridge. This is a step I often forget, this step-by-step plan should help.

Another change

 

Well, I have made some progress but that means changing things around again. I don't mind though, it will work better anyway - as I learn more, I can see how it fits together better.

My progress at my last session was:

1. For the first time I could see 'Me' in the green zone instead of Artemis and Persephone. I am feeling confident enough that I don't need them the same way - before it was too scary, so Artemis and Persephone did everything. They so help me to understand and visualize things as I rewrite my story though, so I'm not getting rid of them!

2. I've been working on the Blue Meadow for over two years, but not getting anywhere with the boundaries. I have finally realized that almost everything I had put into the Blue Meadow needs to be in the Green Zone. I need to do these things every day, not only when things are going wrong. I don't need a yellow meadow and a blue meadow to be separate from the green zone, they can be in the green zone. 

Tree Alphabet Oracle Cards

 

I'm going to double up on my tree alphabet to make an oracle deck, so each letter has two cards. I'll do the artwork and a little booklet with the tree information and rune connections. I'm thinking that the artwork will be a large landscape of the valley, and the cards will fit on top, so each card's landscape will have the background of the larger picture. For example, the willow tree background will fit in along the waterway that flows through the valley.

It now looks like this, lol:

Letter          Celtic tree                My tree #1                         My tree #2

B                    Birch                   Paper Birch                          River Birch

L                   Rowan                Rowan (Mtn Ash)                     Cascara 

F                     Alder                       Alder                                     Larch

S                   Willow                     Willow                              Pussy Willows

N                     Ash                      Red Ash                                   Maple

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H              Hawthorn                  Rosehips                               Thimbleberry

D                  Oak                     Garry Oak                                 Chestnut

T                  Holly                   Oregan Grape                           Snowberry

C                 Hazel                    Beaked Hazel                          Black Walnut

Q                 Apple                         Apple                               Pacific crabapple

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M                Vine                        Purple Vetch                          Pink Vetch

G              Ivy (bramble)               Raspberry                           Salmonberry

Ng              Fern/Reed                    Bracken                               Horsetails 

Z              Blackthorn(sloe)        Canada Plum                          Saskatoon

R                 Elder                          Elderberry                         High Cranberry

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A               Fir                            Douglas Fir                                 Cedar

O             Furze                          Juniper                                       Thistle

U            Heather                     Strawberry                                   Clover                                   

E              Aspen                         Aspen                                     Cottonwood

I                Yew                            Yew                                         Hemlock

____

EA           Poplar Grove          Poplar Grove                            

OI            Spindle                 Red Osier Dogwood                    Fire Cherry

UI            Honeysuckle            Honeysuckle                            Yerba Buena

IA            Gooseberry              Gooseberry                                 Currant

AE           Witch Hazel              Fireweed                                    Lupine

P               Pine                            Pine                                       Ponderosa

                 

Blue Meadow - Persephone's Boundaries

 Now that Persephone is ready to connect with people, she needs some boundaries. 

Persephone will use the boundaries here in the Blue Meadow, and instead of ignoring Artemis's struggles in the Yellow Meadow, Persephone will take them to Artemis when she calls so they can work together in both the yellow and blue meadows.

This is a work in progress, as always, but here is what I have come up with so far, all of which ultimately affects her connections with others, even the boundaries that have lots of internal work. Most of them have the same format:

1. Nyx and Hemara help Persephone with fears of Pandeia (cPTSD).

2. Identify the problem and which boundary is needed - Persephone, as her more confident Queen persona, does this step.

3. Reframe my thinking / positive self-talk - Artemis and her dogs come to help Persephone manage the emotions.

4. Clarify the situation and the boundary, convey that the limit is reached and what I need, do the work - Athena and Inyx share this step.

5. Hold the boundary - Pallas.

6. Recover - the 3 charities and their Mom from Step 6 of the Apology Bridge.

Athena and Pallas were raised together as warriors by Pallas's father Triton, son of Poseidon. Athena is the sister of Persephone, and they often spent time together. She is the goddess of war so she is my choice for using strategies and negotiating and keeping a level head during conversations. Pallas is fierce and will hold the boundary when they experience push-back.

Inyx is an oread, a mountain nymph. 'Iynx' means 'that which attracts the spirit to desire and love'. She invented a magical love-charm known as the iynx--a spinning wheel with a wryneck bird attached. The Wryneck is a migratory bird, traveling long distances to reach its breeding grounds. It navigates using a combination of celestial cues, such as the position of the sun and stars, and landmarks on the ground. This remarkable ability to navigate across vast distances will be needed as Inyx helps Athena navigate conversations so that love is the goal, not defeating the other person and making them do what I want.

Blue Meadow - The First Step

I've been working hard to sort out my Blue Meadow now that my Green Journey through Overwhelm has made me feel safe enough to try working on some of the really hard things - conversation, communication, connection, and relationships; allowing others to express their emotions and opinions; not ignoring, avoiding, withdrawing, isolating. 

Just like Persephone had to master her fear of Cerberus (my PTSD) before she could take her first step towards accepting emotions, here she needs to master her fear of talking to people (my cPTSD) before she can take the first step to connect with the people around her.

So it's going to go like this:

1 - Persephone is trapped in the Underworld by her fear, but not in Hypnos's cave so she has not left life completely. She is trapped and avoiding the things she fears but she is with Nyx and Hemara, who live together near Hypnos's cave. Nyx is night, and Hemara, who is Nyx's, daughter, is day. They meet each other twice a day as one goes out and the other comes in at dawn and twilight. 

2 - Nyx mothers Persephone, and reminds her that she is a Queen. When Persephone is ready, Hemara takes her on a shortcut out of Hell. They meet Pandeia (my cPTSD), the daughter of Selene and goddess of the full moon, and spend a little time with her. She helps the girls uncover the truth of how cPTSD works, Persephone moves past her fear a little bit, and the two girls can continue on the shortcut to the Blue Meadow.

3 - Once in the Blue Meadow, Artemis comes to help Persephone. Hemara says goodbye and continues on her daytime travels through the sky, bringing the sunrise to the world as she ascends. 

4 - Now that Persephone has faced her fear she is ready to take the first step toward starting a conversation or initiating an interaction. This will be the Phoenix - the rebirth of the courage to try to connect again after each time Persephone dissociates due to fear. This will probably happen multiple times a day until the fear begins to fade.

My Backyard Ogham Tree Alphabet

Image: Ogham Grove entwined pentagrams (Celtic Ogham Tree Alphabet) by Yuri Leitch, fineartamerica.com. This picture depicts the Evergreen Pentagram entwined with the Rose Queen Pentagram. This is a beautiful, Venusian, pattern formed by the Ogham trees in their traditional sequence. Yew (corresponding with winter solstice) sits at the top of the dark green pentagram; and Apple (corresponding with summer solstice) sits at the botttom of the golden pentagram. This is just one of many wonderful patterns to be found in the Ogham Grove.

We don't have all of the Celtic Alphabet trees here, so I have changed some out for trees that are native to BC to make my personal tree alphabet. Since many people have told me their different ideas of what to include in the Kootenay Tree Alphabet, I am going to just use the ones I have in my backyard. Not only will I be able to visit them every day, but I can justify my choices a little easier, lol.

I'll be going deeper into each tree, but for now I've decided on the following:

B - Celtic: Birch. Mine: Birch

L - Celtic: Rowan. Mine: Rowan (our native rowan trees are called Rocky Mountain Ash).

F - Celtic: Alder. Mine: Western Larch, which loses its leaves like a deciduous tree and is super common where I live (I have no Alders near me).

S - Celtic: Willow. Mine: Pussy Willow.

N - Celtic: Ash. Mine: Rocky Mountain Maple. Ash is not native here but Maple trees are, and they both have helicopter seeds.

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H - Celtic: Whitethorn (Hawthorn). Mine: wild rosehips, a thorny shrub with red fruits because we don't have the thorny hawthorn trees here.

D- Celtic: Oak. Mine: Western Red Cedar instead of the oak trees we don't have here. Cedar is the most important tree in the Indigenous way of life on the Pacific coast, and we have cedar here as well, such as these ones.

T - Celtic: Holly. Mine: Oregon Grape, our local prickly leaves since we don't have holly.

C - Celtic: Hazel. Mine: Saskatoon since we don't have hazel trees - and the berries are just as amazing in their own way as hazel nuts are.

Q - Celtic: Apple. Mine: Pacific Crab Apple, our native apple tree. The wild turkeys LOVE eating the crabapples in my backyard tree, lol. They have even begun roosting in the trees near my house just so they can be close to it.

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M - Celtic: Vine. Mine: Vetch, a native peavine that fills the fields and roadsides where I walk with the goats.

G - Celtic: Ivy. Mine: common snowberry - it grows in the fields, the goats love them, and they have berries - all of which ivy has. Ivy is not native to BC, but snowberry is.

Ng - Celtic: Fern. Mine: Bracken, a type of fern native to BC and one that fills the goat's field.

St - Celtic: Blackthorn (Sloe). Mine: Canada Plum, a very thorny tree native to the area. We have a bunch in the goat's field. 

R - Celtic: Elder. Mine: We call it Elderberry, and we have them over here as well.

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A - Celtic: Fir. Mine: Douglas Fir. I love the cones, they look like little mice are hiding inside with their tails peeking out.

O - Celtic: Furze. Mine: Common Juniper is a prickly bush similar to furze, which we don't have here.

U - Celtic: Heather. Mine: Fireweed. Heather grows in BC but generally in the sub-alpine meadows. Fireweed is the same color and grows everywhere here.

E - Celtic: Aspen. Mine: Trembling Aspen.

I - Celtic: Yew. Mine: Western Hemlock instead of yew. It still has the poison connection (the tree is not actually poisonous like the hemlock plant, but don't tell, lol) and our Yew is in Eastern Canada and so not around here so much. 

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Ea - Celtic: Poplar. Mine: Black Cottonwoods. Cottonwoods are poplars and I have tons along the creek behind my house.

Ia - Celtic: Gooseberry. Mine: Black Gooseberry, native to BC and one of the parents of Jostaberries (I have Jostaberries in my garden).

Ui - Celtic: Honeysuckle. Mine: Northwest Honeysuckle, native to BC and my neighbour has one that grows over the fence between us.

Oi - Celtic: Spindle Tree. Mine: Red Osier Dogwood. No spindle trees here, but tons of beautiful red dogwood.

Ae - Celtic: Witch Hazel (twin of hazel). Mine: Fire Cherry. Both the native Fire Cherry and Saskatoon are part of the rose family, and so could be considered twins.

P - Celtic: Pine. Mine: Pine.