Blue Meadow Boundaries - Syrinx

Each boundary has a nature spirit symbolizing the boundary. When Persephone has to choose which boundary is needed, she has a friendly face to put to the problem.

So far, I have 4 separate boundaries defined, each with it's own nature spirit. For any other issue needing a boundary, Syrinx is going to be my nature spirit.

Synoro is the greek word for boundary. Syrinx is one of the nymphs that lives with Artemis. She escaped Pan by hiding in the Ladon River, after the Ladonides (the daughters of the River Ladon) turned her into hollow water reeds along the bank of the river. 

Syrinx

Ladonides

Norse Goddesses - Boundary 2 - Källa

One of the best things to come from re-doing my Blue Meadow Step is my Norse Goddesses.

The Blue Meadow has a focus on boundaries, which took me forever to get my mind wrapped around. I was finally able to use my boundaries with actual results this winter by using the Norse Goddesses.

One of the things my hubby and I struggle with is my 'back seat driving', although I have always viewed it as 'helping'. It is especially bad in the winters since I am so anxious driving in the bad weather, and where we live, the winter weather is pretty bad! Lots of snow and ice and fog.

I was able to visualize goddesses holding my boundary so that I didn't force my anxiety onto my hubby, and so that I kept his frustration from triggering me. Here, I switched up my Greek goddesses for Norse ones, because I needed Sigyn to be my Hera/married goddess.

I will be using these goddesses to help me with other overwhelming fears as well, not just when I am driving with hubby. I have also discovered that these types of fears do not tip me immediately into shut down. They don't trigger my cPTSD.

Each boundary has it's own water nymph. This is Källa. In Norse mythology, the Landvaettir (translated from Old Norse as "land spirits"), were guardian spirits believed to inhabit and safeguard specific natural features such as hills, rocks, fields, and even entire regions, ensuring the well-being of the land and its human inhabitants. (Landvættir — Grokipedia)

Källa's name means a spring, a bog or swamp, a source, the water in the hole for icefishing. (kelda - Wiktionary, the free dictionary)

I have placed her nearby - she is now the landvaettir who lives at my favorite lake. She not only lives in the small wetland marsh on the east side of the lake (a rare find so high in the mountains), but the source of the water is located on the west side of the lake. Blueberry Creek begins just before the spot where it flows into the lake, then exits the lake into the marsh that Källa shares with moose, deer and bear (the Grizzly bears come every Spring to feed on vegetation.) The creek eventually flows into the Columbia River. The head of Blueberry Creek is near Sheep Creek and Lamb Creek, and Goat Mountain. The lake even used to be called Sheep Lake at one time. Mountain Goats and Bighorn Sheep still roam the area, although they are rarely seen now.

The small lake, in the forest of pine, spruce, fir and larch, is in the traditional territory of the Ktunaxa and Sinixt. The Ktunaxa are one of the few First Nations that are possibly descended from the original peoples that arrived in the area at the end of the most recent glacial period, and their language is unrelated to any other language in the world. Although the area around the lake was not inhabited, it was an annual stop for huckleberry picking.

My intense fear can be triggered by a few different things, and I used to avoid a lot of situations that were out of my comfort zone. Now, I try to stay present longer and try to self-talk reassurance to myself. Self-talk didn't usually work that well on it's own, but with the goddesses I have a story and friends helping. I'm not alone. Or at least, I don't FEEL like I'm alone with the fear, completely overwhelmed.

This boundary's steps go like this:

1. Persephone calls Skadi and her wolves to form the boundary, to keep the dogs contained and safe. Skadi takes over Artemis's role, training the dogs and caring for them.

2. Skadi is joined by Hel, who takes on Persephone's role, helping Skadi with the wolves. Skadi is linked with the underworld, and Hel can leave the underworld with her Hellhound and Hellhorse.

3. Next, together we call upon four of Frigg's handmaidens to hold my boundaries. The handmaidens are goddesses who are not bound to a god, but find their place within Frigg's house. 

Snowtra is a goddess of wisdom, she is my Athena - the logical voice of reason. She fills my head with self-talk - 'Stay in the present, everything is fine right now. Focus on the present. Breathe.' 

Var is another goddess of wisdom, specifically the integrity of words and actions, something I learned a lot about last year. She guards my words.

Lofn is a goddess of love, reminding me to lead with love in all things. She also gives permission - in the case of my fears, I am permitted to give up control, she reminds me there is nothing I can do because I am not in control of the situation. (If I was controlling it, I would have already sorted it out.) That has always helped me in things like flying on airplanes where I literally have no control. 

And Syn guards my boundary the way she guards Frigg's door, so that I keep quiet and so that I don't let other's emotions come in and destroy me.

4. Sigyn, Loki's wife, also joins us. She is often seen as a subservient, devoted wife because she shielded Loki when he was trapped and burned with acid. Some people see her though, as a loving, accepting person for Loki to come home to after he deals with anger and disdain from the other gods all day. I channel this into: I trust my hubby's driving, he is an awesome driver. He loves me, he would never do anything to hurt me. He loves his car, he would never do anything to hurt it. 

 5. Nerthus is my Demeter. She is an Earth goddess, and Freja's mother. She helps me with my impulse control. When I am driving, I take some risks at first, like passing without a lot of room. Whether I am trying to follow hubby in his car, or I'm driving on my own, it often takes one risky pass before I remember to slow down and go with the flow. This mother-figure helps me to be mindful of safety. 

She also brings a deer. Where I live, the deer in town have learned to walk slowly across the road - the ones who run get hit by cars. I tell myself to slow down and take my time.

6. Freyja is my Hestia. Freyja is love and beauty, cats and magic - all things that mean home to me. I hold this feeling to ground myself and remember the happy feelings.

I visualize them all riding through the air like Valkyries, fiercely and joyfully surrounding me with protection. Because I don't want to call Sigyn away from her children, I imagine that they all are pulled away when needed, and returned to the same spot, so that they lose no time. Then they can fight with me guilt-free.

The other day I was driving our huge suburban, and I said "Road trip!" when I called to them. I smiled to think of my truck full of happy excited women, blasting music and eating junk food.

My other Norse goddess is not needed for this particular boundary help, but here she is:

Nissa, a selkie, is my Aphrodite. Norse selkies are in many stories. My selkie sheds rules and inhibitions to become a fun and sexy partner, without losing her independence. 'Nissa' means 'friendly, mischievous elf'.

Yellow Meadow - Boundary 1: Eleni ( a Leimonide nymph)

Originally my boundaries were in the Blue Meadow, which was part of Persephone's realm. Even though boundaries are now a part of the Green Zone since I need to use them daily, they will still be in a Blue Meadow, it will just be in a corner of the Green Zone.

 The Yellow Meadow is also in the Green Zone, and is where Artemis starts to struggle with the dogs (emotions). I know I took it out of my plan awhile ago, but I just put it back in, lol. Artemis and the dogs go to the Blue Meadow with Persephone when she helps them.

I have now made my Yellow Meadow into a wetlands area where the river runs into the lake. It transitions from green grass to buttercups, which grow in wet areas. The dogs can run around in the buttercups and cause some trouble, but Artemis can still get them under control after awhile by using some strategies. These strategies are the Amnisades, river nymphs who are Artemis's handmaidens. 

This is when Persephone needs to come and help, and bring a boundary with her, or the dogs will go too far into the wetlands. Before, everyone ignored Artemis's struggles until it was too late. If the dogs go deeper into the wetlands, they get bogged down in the muck where the cat-tails grow. Because cat-tails grow tall and packed together, the further the dogs go, the more lost they get and the more panicked they become. Artemis wades in after them, but she has essentially no control over them.

Eventually the dogs start to get into sinkholes. Artemis tries to pull them out, but she herself begins to sink. This is where Persephone used to take over and take me down to the underworld, leaving the dogs behind in the muck. 

Persephone's first boundary will be to protect herself and Artemis and the dogs from overwhelm. Boundary 1 keeps the dogs out of the cat-tails and sinkholes. Once they all move over to the blue meadow, the other goddesses are called to come and help.

Eleni is a Leimonide (a nymph of the marshes and watery wetland fields), and will be my personification of being swamped. If I can keep her in my mind, and run through the steps below, I might be able to interrupt old patterns.

The steps look like this:

A) Deal with PTSD

When Persephone sees that Artemis is in trouble, she knows that she should go and help her. Before, she ignored the problem until she her only choice was to yank me down to the underworld. Now, the other goddesses help Persephone so she knows that she is not alone, and can move forward. 

Persephone and Artemis supporting each other

B) Identify the problem and the boundary needed. Ask "What is wrong?" and "Why/How is it wrong?"

Persephone will know that the problem is overwhelm when she can see that the self-care strategies from the buttercup section are not working for Artemis. The overwhelm could be lifestyle (too busy, too tired, etc) or feeling pressured to do stressful things (work long hours, deal with conflict, etc).  The cues are withdrawal and feelings of  hopelessness.

Persephone puts up the boundary to keep the dogs from going too far, and then they all move over to the blue meadow. The boundary step here is to stop and visualize Eleni calling her sister wetland nymphs, who rise up and limit access to the boggy section of the wetlands. This is the time to pull out the goddess book and go through everything, especially the safety plan (the green journey), and Artemis and Persephone need to remind each other that they are not alone. 

 

C)  Reframe / positive self-talk. Clarify the situation with others, remind myself of the boundary and what I need to feel better, then do the work.

Athena and Inyx come to help Artemis and Persephone manage the emotions, and reframe the negative thinking with positive  self-talk and growth-mindset thinking. 

If it is life overwhelm, then redo the schedule, focusing on only the most urgent things and making 'me' a priority. I learned last time not to drop all of the social things - I became isolated and spiraled into freefall fast!

Athena and Inyx share this step, using logic and love to talk it through with others - mostly because I have a huge problem with saying 'No' at the same time that I am avoiding major issues.

D) Hold the boundary - Pallas holds my negative reactions inside the boundary, and stops negative things from coming in and overwhelming me. As I learned in my sessions with Donna, the boundary is not a wall. It is a fence with gates, so things can still go in and out UNLESS I close the gate. I can also have more than one fence, some things can come in but only so far if I close the inner gate.

One way to hold the boundary is to use a calming action with breathing and mantras to calm down, and use the Amnisade's coping skills to stay calm while dealing with issues.

E. Recover from the stress of holding my boundary - the 3 charities and their Mom from Step 6 of the Apology Bridge. This is a part I often forget, this step-by-step plan should help.

Another change

 

Well, I have made some progress but that means changing things around again. I don't mind though, it will work better anyway - as I learn more, I can see how it fits together better.

My progress at my last session was:

1. For the first time I could see 'Me' in the green zone instead of Artemis and Persephone. I am feeling confident enough that I don't need them the same way - before it was too scary, so Artemis and Persephone did everything. They so help me to understand and visualize things as I rewrite my story though, so I'm not getting rid of them!

2. I've been working on the Blue Meadow for over two years, but not getting anywhere with the boundaries. I have finally realized that almost everything I had put into the Blue Meadow needs to be in the Green Zone. I need to do these things every day, not only when things are going wrong. I don't need a yellow meadow and a blue meadow to be separate from the green zone, they can be in the green zone. 

Tree Alphabet Oracle Cards

 

I'm going to double up on my tree alphabet to make an oracle deck, so each letter has two cards. I'll do the artwork and a little booklet with the tree information and rune connections. I'm thinking that the artwork will be a large landscape of the valley, and the cards will fit on top, so each card's landscape will have the background of the larger picture. For example, the willow tree background will fit in along the waterway that flows through the valley.

It now looks like this, lol:

Letter          Celtic tree                My tree #1                         My tree #2

B                    Birch                   Paper Birch                          River Birch

L                   Rowan                Rowan (Mtn Ash)                     Cascara 

F                     Alder                       Alder                                     Larch

S                   Willow                     Willow                              Pussy Willows

N                     Ash                      Red Ash                                   Maple

____

H              Hawthorn                  Rosehips                               Thimbleberry

D                  Oak                     Garry Oak                                 Chestnut

T                  Holly                   Oregan Grape                           Snowberry

C                 Hazel                    Beaked Hazel                          Black Walnut

Q                 Apple                         Apple                               Pacific crabapple

____

M                Vine                        Purple Vetch                          Pink Vetch

G              Ivy (bramble)               Raspberry                           Salmonberry

Ng              Fern/Reed                    Bracken                               Horsetails 

Z              Blackthorn(sloe)        Canada Plum                          Saskatoon

R                 Elder                          Elderberry                         High Cranberry

____

A               Fir                            Douglas Fir                                 Cedar

O             Furze                          Juniper                                       Thistle

U            Heather                     Strawberry                                   Clover                                   

E              Aspen                         Aspen                                     Cottonwood

I                Yew                            Yew                                         Hemlock

____

EA           Poplar Grove          Poplar Grove                            

OI            Spindle                 Red Osier Dogwood                    Fire Cherry

UI            Honeysuckle            Honeysuckle                            Yerba Buena

IA            Gooseberry              Gooseberry                                 Currant

AE           Witch Hazel              Fireweed                                    Lupine

P               Pine                            Pine                                       Ponderosa

                 

Blue Meadow - Persephone's Boundaries

 Now that Persephone is ready to connect with people, she needs some boundaries. 

Persephone will use the boundaries here in the Blue Meadow, and instead of ignoring Artemis's struggles in the Yellow Meadow, Persephone will take Artemis and the dogs to the Blue Meadow so they can work together.

This is a work in progress, as always, but here is what I have come up with so far, all of which ultimately affects her connections with others. Most of the boundaries have the same format:

1. Either Artemis has trouble with the dogs (emotions) or Persephone realises that a boundary needs to be made.

2. Nyx and Hemara help Persephone with fears of Pandeia (cPTSD) so that the problem is not avoided.

3. Artemis and her dogs join Persephone in the blue meadow to manage the emotions. 

4. Persephone identifies the problem and which boundary is needed. She chooses from Eleni (swamped), Eira (driving), Meli (anger), Geely (mirror) or Syrinx (any other boundary needed). She can use her more confident Queen of the Underworld persona if needed.

 5. Athena, Inyx and Pallas join Artemis and Persephone in the blue meadow to support them. Athena is wisdom, she reframes my thinking and offers positive self-talk. She clarifies the situation and the boundary, notifies them that the limit is reached and what they need to do next. She takes over the talking so that it comes from the head, not the emotional overload. Inyx makes sure that any words spoken are made with love. Pallas holds the boundary.

6. Hestia helps to ground Persephone with breathing, visualization, etc. Demeter offers comfort.

7. Recovery - the 3 charities and their Mom (Persephone's Aunt) from Step 6 of the Apology Bridge.

Athena and Pallas were raised together as warriors by Pallas's father Triton, son of Poseidon. Athena is the sister of Persephone, and they often spent time together. She is the goddess of war so she is my choice for using strategies and negotiating and keeping a level head during conversations. Pallas is fierce and will hold the boundary when they experience push-back.

Inyx is an oread, a mountain nymph. 'Iynx' means 'that which attracts the spirit to desire and love'. She invented a magical love-charm known as the iynx--a spinning wheel with a wryneck bird attached. The Wryneck is a migratory bird, traveling long distances to reach its breeding grounds. It navigates using a combination of celestial cues, such as the position of the sun and stars, and landmarks on the ground. This remarkable ability to navigate across vast distances will be needed as Inyx helps Athena navigate conversations so that love is the goal, not defeating the other person and making them do what I want.

Blue Meadow - The First Step

I've been working hard to sort out my Blue Meadow now that my Green Journey through Overwhelm has made me feel safe enough to try working on some of the really hard things - conversation, communication, connection, and relationships; allowing others to express their emotions and opinions; not ignoring, avoiding, withdrawing, isolating. 

Just like Persephone had to master her fear of Cerberus (my PTSD) before she could take her first step towards accepting emotions, here she needs to master her fear of talking to people (my cPTSD) before she can take the first step to connect with the people around her.

So it's going to go like this:

1 - Persephone is trapped in the Underworld by her fear, but not in Hypnos's cave so she has not left life completely. She is trapped and avoiding the things she fears but she is with Nyx and Hemara, who live together near Hypnos's cave. Nyx is night, and Hemara, who is Nyx's, daughter, is day. They meet each other twice a day as one goes out and the other comes in at dawn and twilight. 

2 - Nyx mothers Persephone, and reminds her that she is a Queen. When Persephone is ready, Hemara takes her on a shortcut out of Hell. They meet Pandeia (my cPTSD), the daughter of Selene and goddess of the full moon, and spend a little time with her. She helps the girls uncover the truth of how cPTSD works, Persephone moves past her fear a little bit, and the two girls can continue on the shortcut to the Blue Meadow.

3 - Once in the Blue Meadow, Artemis comes to help Persephone. Hemara says goodbye and continues on her daytime travels through the sky, bringing the sunrise to the world as she ascends. 

4 - Now that Persephone has faced her fear she is ready to take the first step toward starting a conversation or initiating an interaction. This will be the Phoenix - the rebirth of the courage to try to connect again after each time Persephone dissociates due to fear. This will probably happen multiple times a day until the fear begins to fade.