The Staircase

 Step 1: Accept the Dogs

The staircase ascends as the child Persephone grows up and becomes adult Persephone, Queen of the Underworld.

She must accept the dogs - Atremis's dogs/my emotions - as her first step, so that when she comes in to help Artemis, she doesn't shut everything down.

But before she can even work on accepting Artemis's dogs, she must get past Cerberus, who guards the gates of Hell and prevents her from taking the first step.  

Cerberus represents my PTSD and it freezes her in place.

Persephone has lived with trauma, loss, grief, pain, and anguish. She is the goddess who goes into the dark depths of mental illness and she must step out of her comfort zone in order move forward.

I have been in such terror of my overwhelm that I was frozen for most of my life.

So I have added Kali to my personal inner goddesses. 

She is fierce, pushes you to do what needs to be done, a warrior, a protector. When you are stuck, when you don't want to do the hard thing or end a negative situation, she tells you to rip the bandaid off. She causes pain, but then healing can begin. She is the liberator.

She encourages you to not fear the pain but to find the courage to move through it. Not to endure and endure until you collapse in an exhausted heap, but to walk the hard path, straight uphill, with pauses to catch your breath. 

She is also a creator, the cosmic mother who created everything. She is the mama bear, she will do anything to protect her children.

To me, she is the one who is strong enough to deal with my dark thoughts, my overwhelm. She will fight beside me, and remind me that I am just as strong as she is. I was so afraid of my overwhelm, that I thought I could do nothing. Kali reminds me that I am strong. She pushes me to deal with my crap, not ignore it. 

She is also the strong mother that can protect me. My mother was not able to protect me, but Kali is strong enough for all of us. She will keep me safe in the fight ahead.

I have the Kali Oracle Cards, and use them when I need her strength and protection. 

She has already helped change my inner story to one of girl-power, not fear and weakness. When someone sets off my sadness, I try to remember that I am strong, that I have a whole team of strong goddesses in me, I am not alone. That I am fine, that I don't need to fall into old patterns, that I don't need to be intimidated.

Chamunda is the aspect of Kali that I am putting in this part of Step 1. She lives in the cremation grounds and is associated with death. She is the crone aspect of the 7 Matrikas or 7 Mothers. She is the eater of children and keeps them safe. She is surrounded by dogs and rides a dhole (an Indian wild dog). She symbolizes the gaining of power and the mastery of that power. She teaches you to not fear masculine energy and to not accept it when it is used negatively (intimidation, aggression, ect.)

Chamunda has the strength to help Persephone master Cerberus. She can push Persephone to face her fears and take the first steps to leave Hell. 

Having discovered the pattern that dumps me into Hell repeatedly, I don't feel as scared that the overwhelm will come out of nowhere. I know that I'm not alone. I have gained some mastery over that fear already. 

I think I may end up back here if I get scared, but I will come up with a plan for if that happens. That is the mastery part. I can control my reaction.

Kali Image from bhagwankiphoto.com