the battle

I feel like I am from a different world. Maybe I am a changeling.

I can't seem to get my meaning across to anyone.

It's like dog in my language is horse, so when i say "i see a horse", they are thinking i see a dog. But i don't know that their word is dog, so as i describe the horse/dog i can't figure out why they don't see what i see.

And they don't have a clue what i'm talking about.

And i am left swirling aimlessly alone in my world.

Sometimes, after epically long battles, it seems that we figure out what we are talking about. But these battles usually make me feel like I am dumb. that there is something wrong with me.

My current battle is life or death.

I am barely keeping my head above water, the waves keep closing over my head, then i come up for a breath, gasping.

And no one understands.

i think i am insane.

depression and anxiety don't seem to quite cover what is going on in my head.

I am still trying to keep it together enough that i can get through my day - if i stop work, we lose the house, and we can't afford to live on my hubby's wage alone even as renters.

Despite the very real threat that i will lose my job, i am still trying to get people to understand. because this other world can't continue. it is harming my kids now, and i won't let that happen.

I guess i need to find some info on supports for families who can't support themselves, not due to fire or war or cancer, but because they are total idiots at this game called life.