Blue Zone - The Bridge

 I just had an appointment with Donna, and we talked about boundaries, which then turned into discussing how to express feelings and communicate desires. My family does not communicate at all, except to explode. We suppress everything, which is my fault since I can't tolerate emotional displays. So, I am ready to try and fix that.

* Well, intentions are good but my baby steps are soooo minuscule that no one knows that I even did anything. I'm going to deflect and do lots of research instead of talking to people, lol. But I have done a little, and I am determined to do more. I looked up cPTSD and relationships and learned some stuff.

I have copied 6 steps from 'Clean Up on Aisle 9' by Cyndi Bennett, cptsdfoundation.org. These will be the strategies I use to bridge the chasm that keeps me captive on one side, and family/friends on the other after the relationship suffers a break. It can be a small thing or a big thing, the chasm is always forbidding. I have to have The Bridge in the Blue Zone before things get bad, where fear triggers fight/flight/freeze and where I retreat to instead of trying to bridge the gap. 

Most images in The Bridge (except the first one, above) are from the amazing Thalia Took. **I've mixed them up to fit what I need them for. Check the bottom of the page for the correct names. As the Blue Zone is Persephone's realm, all characters in the Bridge are family members - her half-sisters, her aunt, etc.

Step 1. The Internal Mess: The Battle against Inner Negative Messages.

Cyndi writes: 'Flashbacks can leave a tidal wave of destruction in our self-confidence and relationships. The bigger and more intense the flashback, the more damage it can cause. It happens. When you make a mess, you have to clean it up. You have to do that both internally and externally. The clean-up process is no joke and takes some work…mentally, emotionally, and relationally. 

Once I could finally get myself regulated and grounded, the mental and emotional inner battle began. Self-criticism and shame were the Goliaths of this battle.

All the old messages were triggered… I am returning to my armor so no one can hurt me again…I can be all business and not put myself out there at all…I am too much for people…No one will ever want to work with me again. And I had some new messages show up, too… How can you call yourself a trauma recovery career coach when you can’t even keep your own crap together?… How can you even think about teaching others when you experience the same things? Imposter syndrome was alive and well in my mind, as was my inner critic.' 

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In my case, I am triggered or I react with coping mechanisms that no longer protect me, and which cause rifts in my relationships. And I have a TON of internal mess after something happens. My Internal Messages are usually .... I can't do this ...... I don't know HOW to do this ...... I always screw up ..... they won't like me anymore ...... don't show any emotion ..... they are mad at me ...... I'M  NOT  SAFE ...... 

I need some strong warriors to help battle these messages. They will engage the 'enemy' and hold fast the door so I can find my coping skills and strategies to move forward.

The Horai in this step are Persephone's half-sisters, four goddesses mentioned in the poem Dionysiaca as protectors and handmaidens of the Hall of Harmonia (in the vault of heaven), who stood at the four gates. 

"Handmaids [i.e. the Horai (Hours)] protected this dwelling on all sides, a round image of the universe: the doors were allotted--Anatolia (Rising) was the maid who attended the East Wind's (Euros') gate;" 

Anatolia will be the PAUSE strategy (Pause - when you recognize cues, STOP what you are doing, Awareness - of ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts), Understand - you are safe, Selfsoothe - de-escalation techniques, Exhale - do breathing.)

"at the West Wind's (Zephyros') was Dysis (Setting) the nurse of Selene (the Moon);" 

Dysis will unlock the ANTs by naming the negative messages and helping understand how they work.

"Mesembrias (Midday) held the bold of the fiery South (Notos);" 

Image: Hannah Kincannon

Mesembrias will have Apollo's sun wolf to help do a check in - let the emotions out, feel the emotions, care for the emotions, remember that emotions don't stay, ect.

"Arktos the Bear was the servant who opened the gate of the North (Boreas), thick with clouds and sprinkled with hail."

The ancient Greek word ἄρκτος (arktos), is a feminine noun. 

Interesting fact: Callisto was a nymph in the retinue of the goddess Artemis, and the daughter of King Lycaon, who was turned into a wolf. Both Callisto and her son Arcas were turned into bears (a family of shifters?), then put into the stars. They are now referred to as Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, the big and little bears. The Ancient Greek word for North was Arktos, and the word "Arctic" comes from the Greek word Arktos, which refers to the constellation seen in the North.

The Horai Arktos, being aligned with shifters in mythology, will be the one who shifts the emotions back into Artemis, containing them after they have been calmed down. They will not be left there, ignored. They are just contained for everyone's safety until we deal with the situation.

Images: 1. Thalia Took's tarot card 'The Star'. 2. Thalia's 'Hekate'. 3. Thalia's 'Arianrhod'. 4. Thalia's 'Morgana'.