Step 3: Reconnecting with your support system
(All images in this post are by one of my favorite artists, Thalia Took. I have mixed up their names to fit my goddesses, look at the bottom for the correct names.
Cyndi Bennett writes in 'Clean Up on Aisle 9':
"This step in the internal clean-up effort is reconnecting with your support system. Self-criticism and shame want to keep us isolated and covered up. They don’t want others to see our failures and nakedness because they are trying to protect us. The antidote for self-criticism is self-compassion and connection. We might be able to get to self-compassion on our own, but when we connect with our support system, their compassion for me and my experience will lead me to have compassion for myself."
It does make sense that connecting in with those who already have a good relationship with you can help mend the ones that have a rift. Their perspective, their support, their compassion would all help to make the way forward easier and more clear. This is why I needed to connect and stay connected in the Green Zone, so that I have my safety net when I need it. I do not know HOW to connect, but have found some ideas from Donna and from researching.
I'm going to use Persephone's family members who are agricultural goddesses for this step.
Demeter - mother of Persephone
Demeter and Persephone are very close. They visit each other often, and many times include others in their gatherings. When Persephone went missing, Demeter searched for her, pined for her, and forced the Gods to return her from Hades.
She will be representing dinners together - with family, with friends, with community. I gave up on dinners together a long time ago, but will start to have one each time I go home. My family is going along with it fairly well which is awesome! I will also accept dinner invites more often, and actually talk to people when I am there. And I will make a point of staying to talk when I eat with my Mother.
This is a good way to spend time together without it being too awkward when there is a rift with someone. Letting the group know that I have a problem means that advice can be discussed.
Rhea - grandmother of Persephone, mother of Demeter
Rhea is named 'Mother of the Gods' and as the wife of Kronos (Time), she represented the eternal flow of time and generations. After Demeter reunited with her daughter Persephone, Zeus sent Rhea to persuade Demeter to return to Olympus and rejoin the gods, saying "Come, my child, loid-thundering, far-seeing Zeus calls you to come back to the tribes of the gods, and he has promised to give you honours, whatever you wish among the immortal gods. He consented with a nod that for a third part of the circling year your daughter Shall go down to the gloomy darkness, but for the other two parts she shall be With you and the other immortals." (The Homeric Hymns: Homeric Hymn to Demeter, 460-466) Demeter listened to her mother and returned to Olympus, and crops again grew.
Rhea will represent recreation - doing things together. This usually requires some coaxing with my family but I am learning what things they are willing to do. Playing cards is iffy, watching movies is a bit better. I'm doing crafts with my sisters. Maybe I will do puzzles with my Mom. And I will accept invites to go out with friends more.
This is a good way of spending time together as well. Doing something can bridge the awkwardness too. Venting can be done while the focus is on the activity.
Gaia - mother of Rhea, grandmother of Demeter, great-grandmother of Persephone
Gaia is the personification of the Earth. She is the mother of the sky and heavens, of the sea, of Time, of the mountains. She was the first thing to come after Chaos, which was the first thing to exist.
Since I feel that emotions are chaos, and insurmountable, she will represent the expression of emotion. Both allowing others to express their emotions and for me to express mine - the what and why of how something made me feel, how I feel while working to repair the rift, etc.
This will include regular talking, which I also avoid. Making an effort to say Hi, to say Goodnight, to say Goodbye, to make some small talk (my kryptonite). Once we are used to talking to each other, it will feel safer to express emotion/ accept other's emotions, and then it will be easier to discuss problems with my support network and with the person I have the rift with.
Chrysothemis - Demeter's daughter, Persephone's half-sister.
Chrysothemis, meaning daffodil in Creten, a harvest festival goddess.
She will represent the bonding we share on holidays and birthdays, the shared traditions, the happy memories. It is worth the effort to make them special. Feelings of love and happiness are a balm to relationships and conducive to talks and support. Much love is reaped from the work put into relationships. Something I had never considered. I did not think that friendships offered me anything. Now I know that they can offer me love, support, fresh perspectives, positive energy - instead of just draining me and causing anxiety. I hope to cultivate that going forward.
Ersa - half-sister of Persephone
Ersa was the goddess of the dew, a daughter of the rain-god Zeus and moon-goddess Selene. Her moisture nourished the plants of the earth.
She was necessary for the growth of plants, especially in the dry climate of Crete. She will represent the sending of memes on Instagram - and the addition of text to the memes. Little notes, questions, I Love You's. Growth Mindset says to keep trying, to not assume that things must stay as they are, that nothing can repair the rift. Connection can encourage and reinforce the importance of growth mindset, to keep trying, that the relationship is worth the effort.
The Three Horae - half-sisters of Persephone, goddesses of the seasons
THE HORAI were the goddesses of the seasons and the natural portioners of time. They presided over the revolutions of the heavenly constellations by which the year was measured. They were particularly honoured by farmers who planted and tended their crops in time with the rising and setting of the stars--measures of the passing seasons. The Horai promoted the fertility of the earth by the various kinds of weather they sent down Being considered the givers of the various seasons of the year, especially of spring and autumn, they represented Nature in her bloom and her maturity. The course of the seasons was symbolically described by the dance of the Horai; and, in conjunction with the Charites, Hebe, Harmonia, and Aphrodite, they accompanied the songs of the Muses, and Apollo's play on the lyre, with their dancing. (Hom. Hymn. in Apoll. Pyth. 16, &c.; Pind. Ol. iv. 2; Xen. Sympos. 7.)
Pherusa - Spring
The Hora of Spring accompanies Persephone every year on her ascent from the lower world, and the return of life. Pherusa means to bring substance. She is the season of new beginnings, a time to plant seeds that will reap rewards and success in the future. She is hope.
As the bringer of substance, Pherusa will represent photos and FaceTime. This is something I never do - send photos or videos to friends or family. I have JUST started FaceTiming my sister who is far away, and she feels much more connected. Showing photos shows how proud of my family I am. It shows others what we are like so they can feel that they know us a bit. Adding My brother who is far away sends photos and videos to my Mom. I need to get those forwarded to my family, and I need to send some of mine back to family and friends. The increased feeling of connection will help with repairs. A new goal for this year.
Euporie. Summer.
Euporie means Abundance.
She will represent texting, emailing, and messaging - something that we can do a lot of, and that increases over time. I have started messaging a friend of mine who I hadn't talked to in years, and now we send a few sentences back and forth each day. I hope to start texting my kids regularly, and maybe some friends. A good conversation starter, then move to the phone for a more in-depth conversation. And less anxious to text first, I hate calling.
Orthosie. Autumn.
Orthosie means prosperity, and is the harvest. The fruits of your labors, and what gets you through the trials of winter.
She will represent touch - hugs, foot rubs, back scratches, neck rubs, etc. Sitting together. Hand holding. I tend to shy away from that unless I'm the one initiating, and only when I feel safe. I told Donna that I had told my kids that I don't like to be touched, and now my son very respectfully comes up and gently touches me with one finger, then gives me a gentle hug with just his fingertips. We realized that if they asked for a hug, I would be all in - it's the not having a say that gets to me I guess. And I can ask them for a hug. So yesterday I told them that. And I got two hugs goodbye. Something I will use with others as well, but a super step forward with my family. I have always felt bad about being stand-offish, now I can start showing my love in one of the most important ways - touch.
So, some things that I will have to work on, but a concrete plan rather than just wishes and good intentions and lots of retreating. I feel like I could actually do some of these things without too much anxiety.
These Bridge posts are all about how to mend relationship rifts. After these, my Blue Zone will have a spot for how to deal with the scary emotions of other people (which are only scary to me, normal to everyone else) which will expand my Gaia/ express emotion section above, and I will put in a spot for how to set boundaries so I feel safer.
Images: 1. Thalia Took's 'Pomona'. 2. Thalia's 'Bridgid'. 3. Thalia's 'Rhiannon'. 4. Thalia's 'Eostre'. 5. Thalia's 'Vivian'. 6. Thalia's 'Gwenhwyfar'. 7. Thalia's 'Sif'. 8. Thalia's 'Ceres'.
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