The sun is out

After 2 weeks of rain, the sun is out. We went for a hike on nearby sunflower hill. Glorious!

And I feel better too. I think I have been caught up in anticipation anxiety - I stress about what will happen, but the actual things aren't that bad at all. Hubby and I survived our weekend of figuring out what to do about the summer. A few days of intense stress, and now we're good.

I will try hard to remember that, as Tana's tonsil and adnoid surgery approaches, and I am already freaking out.

one day at a time? not me - i need to plan ahead, be prepared. but . . . one THING at a time - I can do that. summer planning is started, i can let it go for now. i will prep for the surgery, make sure i have freezies and ice-cream, then i will worry about the summer again.

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Depression is so insidious. I always think I am doing okay, that I'm stressed but coping. Then I find out that I'm totally not. I remember when daughter #1 was a baby, I was convinced that she wasn't eating enough, taking her to the doctors. Looking back at her pictures, she is the chubbiest little thing - but I didn't see it. I remember seriously looking at all sides of a decision, consiously choosing the best option . . . and later realizing that the things i was thinking about wern't even there, i was living in my own little world.

Now that i'm taking the medication again, i can see how it had started again. I was starting to sit in a room full of people and feel like i was in a bubble, not connected to anything. it is the warning sign for me - whenever i no longer feel like a part of anything, that i'm floating on the edges, that's when i start to go off the edge big time. further and further from reality. more and more anxiety.

i had thought that my new coping skills, and knowing what to look for, would keep me out of trouble. scary to realize that if i wasn't forced into it, i still wouldn't have done anything about it. maybe next time i will catch it. each time i learn something, i guess.

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Anyway, things are looking up. We found a way to survive the summer, and we are feeling better!