1, and then 2

.

So, in January, I decided - it's a new year.

I looked back at my posts, and at my poems in the journal beside my bed. And all I write about is depression. For the last 12 years.

I have also noticed that when I write something, or tell someone, things become clearer in my mind.

From now on, I decided - I would write regularly, and I would write one depression post/poem, then two positive posts/poems. So that the good outweighed the bad. With the goal of increasing the number of good posts/poems over time..

But I was still struggling, and I have a hard time writing things down. It's like picking a scab. If I write it, that means I have to think about it. And I am VERY  VERY good at not thinking about things.

And so I put it off, and put it off.

Well, 4 months later........

I am feeling better.I know more.  I don't fall so far or so often. I can think a little clearer. I have a bit of support, which makes all the difference.

So, I have made a commitment with my life-coach to write daily. Usually in my bedside journal, but as much as possible here.

Last summer I wrote this ........



Time is a celtic ouroboros,

the snake that bites its tail, forming a never ending circle

as  it passes through season after season.

Always in my life, I come back to the same spots, and wonder why

Nothing ever changes.

Perhaps that is the way time works.

Not only generations and civilizations endlessly repeating,

but individual lives as well.

Maybe instead of trying to stop the circling,

instead of trying to pry the snake's tail from it's mouth,

maybe instead I should just hang on and enjoy the ride

as I circle endlessly through my life.




(photo off of google from symbolsnet.com)