be careful what you wish for

well.

remember how i wrote that i was waiting to see if i was pregnant?

I am. I have been SO sick for the last 2.5 months, i couldn't even sit at the computer. I am finally starting to feel better.

But the scary thing is, I am huge for only 14 weeks. we think it might be .......gasp........twins! we won't know until august, so officially its only one.

my kids are being so supportive. the 12 year old cried when she heard - not another little sister or brother! - but by the next day, she was proudly telling everybody she knew, and patting my stomach. the 8 year old wants to share a room with the baby! they looked after each other so well while i was sick. I had just accepted a fulltime job, to start in sept. and had to let it go. they are disappointed that my not getting a job for a year or two means putting some plans on hold - getting their own rooms, a dog, dirtbikes, ect., but we've never been a very materialistic family, so its not any different. It was nice to dream about all the cool things we'd be able to do, but not like we had them and had to give it up.

very hard for my husband to postpone the dream though. its the only thing that has kept him going the last few years. he is being wonderful though, since it was partly his fault! we are looking for houses now, at our diminished budget, and it is going not too badly. we won't get everything we want, but we shouldn't end up in a broken down house, which is good!

I feel a bit bad for the 12 year old. by the time i get back to work and she could get her own room, a horse, all the things her friends have - she'll be graduating and moving away. I wish i could have given her everything.

But she is very happy and that's the main thing. two years ago she was a mess, and the changes we made have meant less money, but more happiness for her. and thats what its really all about.

so, life has taken a turn, but it didn't flame and burn like we thought it might. things are actually going to be fine.

phewww.