I learned something today.
I read an article on Tiff's blog (in the first comment on her Decisions post) about a piano.
The piano is grief, which suddenly shows up in your life, and takes up all the space. You try to live around it, as if it wasn't there, but you bump into it at every turn and can't do the things you used to do, or want to do.
Over time you learn to live despite it. Then you learn to play the piano, and it adds a beautiful new dimension to your life.
The article is talking about the grief that comes when a child dies. I don't want to even suggest that what I'm going to say next compares to that. But, when I read it, I cried because I saw something that the piano could represent to me.
I have gone through a few episodes of depression, and during one of them, I lost my hope.
I have lived the last 14 years without hope. It has always been present, overshadowing everything I do, every experience with my children, coming between my husband and me.
I just realised that I can learn to play that piano, instead of living half a life around it.
I think my family would like me to get a life. I think its time.
Oh Shygirl! (((((( hug ))))))). I've suffered depression for the last 10 years, and there are times when it sucks me under and keeps me from living and loving.
ReplyDeleteCan you get some help in your new town? I have a wonderful shrink and between her and the meds am able to feel as though I'm playing that piano most of the time. Without them, I fear I'd still be sitting in the corner staring at it.